#wan episode that makes you feel a deep emptiness

[hypernixation]

bsd wan is so so fun and silly and cute and then episode 11 happens . and then it's cute and funny and silly again

[choosingwhatmatters]

A minor or a major dream?

@unrealcosima foresaw my very wish and suggested I could talk about the music of that scene in episode 8. You know which one. Then it turned out that I don't know how to tumblr. Thank you for pointing that out! So, I am once again posting this. Ready? Steady? Go:

I'd like to talk about three things today: bar chimes, rhythm and keys (the musical kind, not the "please tell me I remembered to take them with me when I left" kind).

Bar chimes (also called fame chimes or mark tree) are the instruments of fairy dust and magic. Or, you know, dreams. Throughout the show, a lot of Wan's peaceful dreams are introduced by bar chimes. One example is the baby soap scene from episode 6, but there are many more. If there are no bar chimes, there's some sort of whooshing sound that transports Wan to Dreamland, as well as a visual effect. Usually, we can clearly distinguish whether Wan is dreaming or not.

In the beginning of the beach scene, there's no acoustic indication that we are in Dreamland. No whoosh. No bar chimes. Only the sound of the waves, kissing sounds and some fascinating music which I will talk about in a second. Then the scene shifts to their bedroom and the music fades for a few seconds. When it comes back it is introduced by - and I WISH I had noticed this on my first watch - bar chimes. They glitter, they becon us to the world of magic and then the music sets back in. If I had to take sides, I'd say we are in Dreamland now, although this mostly stems from my hope that Kim wouldn't gaslight Wan the next morning if the heavenly bed scene really had happened.

So much for the second part, but what about the beach scene itself? Music theory time: The scene starts of with a little melody that loops throughout the whole scene. The fancy term for this is ostinato. Our ostinato sounds something like this:

Now, we are in so called four-four-time, meaning we can count to four and through the stress of the first beat, it only feels natural to count to four again. Not in this piece of music, though. There's an unusal stress on the third beat. This leaves us somewhat disoriented. The beat is typically the one thing music that you can trust. It's the foundation. If there's something wrong with the foundation, the music becomes blurry. Our foundation isn't crumbly, per se. We can still count to four. But through the stress on the third beat, we don't know where to start counting. The foundation is askew.

To demonstrate this, I have put a beat under the piece. The deep thump is our beat number one, the three claps after that are the consecutive beats 2, 3 and four. I don't know if it's just me, but even with the beat, it would feel more intuitive for me to start the phrase at beat number three.

Why not go with my intuition then? Why not start counting at beat number three and be done with it? Because the music won't let me. After four repetitions of our ostinato, a melody sets in and it starts on beat number one. The same is true for the drum beat that starts when we move to the kissing rock (tm). The ostinato with the melody setting in sounds something like this:

Is it just my or does this sound eerie? Of course, in the show there are more instruments filling out empty spaces, making the whole thing sound more atmospheric and less creepy. Still, our perception of the rhythm wavers and leaves us off balance. Notably, the same is not true when they're back at the house. The ostinato is still there, but it fades into the background. The beat is steader, giving us a clear beat one from which we can count to four.

Off to my last point: keys. Usually, I'd be able to tell you "This piece of music is set in key x" because the notes of the melody and the harmonies would tell me. There's one note and its respective harmony that lingers in our ear. That we want to arrive at. Not in this piece of music, though. Don't get me wrong, the notes ARE leading us. But they're leading in two different directions: B minor and G major.

Y'all, I've tried to come up with a coherent explanation of how the music achieves this juxtaposition of B minor and G major, but my sleep deprived brain can't come up with anything that isn't brutally boring. Please trust me when I say this:

The beach scene mostly points at B minor, but the only deep note we ever get to hear is a deep g, which points at G major. When they're back at the house, it's the other way around. We hear the soft, happier sounds of G major, but every now and then, we can hear the note c sharp, which does not belong into the G major scale. This note belongs to somber, melancholic B minor, which is still hunting us through the ostinato in the far back of the whole piece.

To sum all of this up: The beach scene has an unstable, unsettling quality to it. At the house, bar chimes transport us to a softer, more stable version of the song. But what does that leave us with?

The creators of the show needed to do things differently because they didn't want us to know that Wan is, possibly, dreaming. Things aren't as clearly stated as they usually are. Still, the music is excellent and it DOES speak to us.

My interpretation of the whole thing is this: the kisses at the beach were real. The heavenly bed scene was not. Does that make sense to you? What do y'all think?

[gleefullypolin]

I agree, there's no fun in worrying for me and it's not really the step by step I enjoy it's the journey and if I get to know the path a little bit I'll feel more confident in my enjoyment. I know it's not for everyone but I've never enjoyed something less by knowing, it just makes me feel prepared.

Man, I've seen enough people who have alleged info that they're fighting going into an Eloise hater era which makes me a little nervous for that whole plot. I was immediately smitten with Eloise in s1 and s2 sort of made me side eye some of the things she said/did and ugh, the heartbreak at the end was too much. Too Much!

What a poor lonely boy, trying to figure himself out. I do think the inclusion of him running from responsibility being something he's called out on in the books would be a good idea in the show. Swearing off women, touring the world are both all fine and good but the motivations behind both are sort of just more versions of escaping dealing with things. Writing Pen but leaving the others out feels like A Choice if confirmed. I saw somewhere that Pen's face changed to horrified or something like that when the last LW voiceover started so I wonder if she wrote what she wrote about him while angry and regretted it later? The impulsivity of it all!

They're going to have to go at each other if they ever want to move forward. He's always been a bit delicate with her and she's always been a bit shy with him so them having these different personas they're wearing that the other detests is just basically a slingshot to character development, ha. Thin line between love and hate and all that. Plus a carriage ride, etc etc.

They're so messy! I don't think LW will keep picking at him, especially after he apologizes but I won't be surprised if he, like in the books, doesn't love being called an empty headed charmer. Or if Penelope puts herself down continually in it. It's not going to endear LW to him if he's falling in love with Pen and LW is calling her out for her awkwardness.

Oh yes, I thought that was the wildest part of the spoilers? She was approached by the two men on their own before she embarrassed herself and Obi Wan as well before her dress was torn. And he seemed very kind about it all but I'm guessing the Cressida and Eloise element after embarrassing herself with an added bonus of watching Colin flirt with every woman in there was probably too much for her, poor thing.

It's such an intriguing set up! She's awkward socially but very sharp privately, I wonder if that's going to confuse him at all knowing how witty she is when she's with him. Though it doesn't seem like she needs too much of his help but you have to wonder since he seems to move so quickly from his slut era to being almost entirely focused on Pen if he has any other motivations. Especially adding in a man who is titled, wealthier, and genuinely interested in her. The guy seems like he is going to be going Through It.

So many TV shows lost promo during covid, they are not special in that regard. It's not some nefarious plot. I find most things can almost always be reduced to a ship war if you peel off the layers of whatever someone is yelling about in a fandom. I've been harassed and no matter what someone came at me with, in the end it was always about a ship I wasn't interested in. This is Polin's season and anything else about other ships or lack thereof is not an insult during it. It's not that deep, ha.

Oh no, not adult chores, I hate those. I have felt off the last couple of days so the Polin of it all has been keeping me comfortable and cozy. I will have a hell of a time when I have to go back to adult life tomorrow. My husband saw me with headphones on and simply let me be, it was fantastic.😄

I once watched an entire show just by reading the reviews of each episode and didn’t actually watch the show until it had finished airing on television. But it was glorious because it was a truly angsty type show and I got to watch it without feeling any of it.

I am seeing it go both ways with Eloise, some are mad at her for being angry and others are angry at Pen and honestly, I don’t have time for either. They are both young and making rash decisions. Pen needs to talk to her honestly and Eloise needs to shut up long enough to listen. But if she continues as she is in the first episode and shows she still has a heart, then I will be ok with Eloise, eventually. All in time.

I just ran into that spoiler article this afternoon and saw where Pen had the reaction after the apology, so that means she once again wrote something in anger and now will have regret. HOWEVER! That also means that she still feels it, and she still needs to be honest with her feelings with Colin because lets be honest, while she said those things about him in anger, she still feels them. And he IS still hiding behind this “new” Colin. I’m already dying because while I’m excited to get to the first 4 episodes it is the back half I am most excited for. The anger and honesty of their feelings.

It is in those feelings that the truth is told and that damn carriage ride. Impulsivity is exactly right. I cannot wait for that scene. They will both be angry. Colin at the fact that she has been having a go at him AND as you said, at herself. And she at finally getting to let her honesty go, to be her true self in front of the only person she has truly wanted to see her that way.

They have constantly sought the other out all these years because no one else understands them as much as they do for each other. I don’t even think he realizes it at this point. He knows she’s important to him. He knows she’s special, but he doesn’t know why. They are truly messy.

I also saw something that I found intriguing that perhaps the dream sequence could be hers and not his. That his dream happened earlier in the episode before the dreaded second visit to the brother. Then the whispy foggy one is Pen’s later that evening. Maybe confusion on her part and possibly her trying to let him go after the kiss because she does have suitors now and she needs to stop relying on her ole friend Colin and her feelings for him because she can’t more forward with him there in her mind. It was an interesting theory.

Now that men are seeking out her attention, Colin continuing to be there at her side would be a confusing thing for her, especially considering she loves him and he’s staring at her every 2 seconds like she’s a delectable pastry he would like to devour. Maybe in episode 4 she’s determined to let go of her feelings for him in order to move on with Lord Obi Wan. Say it ain’t so girlfriend. Lol. But I could see how that would lead to even more pining if suddenly her eyes turn a little colder from his direction and she truly does turn her attention elsewhere.

I find that people can turn a nefarious plot on anything these days. It doesn’t take much. I tend to like to focus on the pretty stuff instead. All it takes is a pretty picture and I suddenly want to play with that for a few hours and make something out of it. I don’t have time for the hate anymore. Why be angry when you can stare at something that makes you happy. I had 2 seasons where I found pretty things in the background to stare at, I’m going to enjoy my 1 season of them in the front. No one can take that away because it only lasts a season and then its gone.

I had my 20 year anniversary at work to celebrate this weekend and I think that had me feeling off all weekend. Too much adulting for my taste and that leads to sadness. I retreated into my thoughts myself and I think sometimes I just need to do that. Thank goodness for the Polin of it all!

[eventhedevilsafraid]

Not a proper Jedi

Summary: You are having a hell of a day. The last week has left you exhausted. A manic depressive episode, followed by a full day panic attack, followed by a, blessedly brief, anxiety attack has left you struggling to even attempt to person today. Your best friend finds you in your room, and decides to try and make it better. 

Warnings: MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY. MENTAL ILLNESSES: Manic Depression, Severe Panic disorder, Body dysmorphic disorder. mentions of medication. Talks of suicide, briefly. Plus sized reader. Obi-Wan being sweet. Mainly fluff and angst. Lots of tears and confessions. Flashbacks. No Y/N, not a big fan of it, but endearing nicknames and one not endearing nickname is used. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU GET TRIGGERED BY MENTAL ILLNESSES, SUICIDE TALKS, OR ANYTHING OF THE LIKE. 

Word Count: 1900+ 

A/N: This is just part one. If you would like more please let me know I haven’t been in the best head space to work on my other story, so I just wrote this up to try and get those emotions out. I hope you guys like it! 

Walking into the mess hall for mid-day meal, you entered the line behind a couple of knights a year or two older than you. You grabbed your tray and followed the flow of the line, reaching for a deep-fried nuna leg. Before you could grab it, the female knight of the pair in front of you snatched it. 

“I don’t really think you need anything deep-fried, do you, huttlet?” The insult stung, but you elected not to respond, and just kept moving along in the line. Next up on the line was sliced meiloorun, and again you reached for it and actually had your hand on it, but again it was snatched from you.

 “It’s the last one. You don’t mind, do you? I mean, you look like you could do without the sweets, right, huttlet?” She laughed and before you could actually respond this time, she walked away, still giggling to herself and her companion. Hurt and still hungry, you went to the salad bar and grabbed one at random. Placing it on your tray, you looked around the mess hall for a place to sit. 

Finding an empty table in the far back of the room, you made your way there, grabbing silverware and a glass of blue milk on the way. Sitting down in the chair that faced away from the rest of the room, you just wanted to eat and go back to training before anything else happened. 

You opened the salad box, and saw you grabbed a berberian crab salad. A rarity for the kitchen to make since the Nabooian ingredients weren’t shipped to them often, and you absolutely loved it. You quickly started eating, trying to just finish and get out of there as fast as you could. Unfortunately, sitting with your back to the room and engrossed in your thoughts, you didn’t notice the small group of females gathered behind you. A mixture of knights older, same age, and younger than you stood behind you, intentions very non-Jedi like. You stood and turned to face the group surrounding you, slipping your hands into your robe pockets and flicking on your holo-recorder.

“Look at what we have here, a huttlet with a salad. Why didn’t you just skip meals today? You could stand to lose the weight, you know. A disgrace to the Order, you’re so big it’s no wonder you don’t go on off world missions. I’d be terrified the ship wouldn’t lift off the ground if I were you.” Snickers were surrounding you, making you feel boxed in. “I don’t know if you know this, but the only reason you have ‘friends’ is because they pity you. No one in their right mind would be friends with you.” She glanced at the girls behind her with a wicked grin and more snickers sounded, and you finally couldn’t take it anymore. 

“I may be a bit bigger than you, but at least I don’t have the face and personality of a wet gundark.” You stood up, and as you went to walk by them the ringleader shifted and stood in front of you. 

“Who do you think you are, insulting me? The council loves me. I can just tell them you told me, in confidence, that you have broken your Oath and who do you think they will believe? Me, the perfect Jedi Knight, or you, the disgusting, fat, Jedi wanna-be?” A smug look rose on her face like she had won, but you had one more thing to say to her.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should go do that right now, because I am sure Master Yoda would love to listen to the holo-recording I have of this interaction.” She paled and you smirked. “I suggest you leave me alone, or I will gladly turn it over. Now move out of my way, or I will make you.” You shoved through the group of stunned Knights, shoulder checking the ones who didn’t move and blocked your path. Before you fully escaped the group, her hand shot out and grabbed your wrist, gripping you a lot tighter than was necessary. Swinging around, you attempt to rip your hand out of her grip, but she was holding on too tight and it was starting to hurt. She walked a couple steps closer to get in your face.

“Don’t think this is over, you repulsive huttlet. I-,” She stopped her sentence short just as Master Mace Windu walked close.

“Hello, Dewdrop. We missed you at dinner last night. Is everything okay?” He looked at the small gathered group and noticed the young knight's hand was still latched to your wrist, and it looked like a painful hold. “Knight Verona. I strongly suggest you release your hold immediately. Physical contact without consent is assault, no matter how small, and if she so wishes, the council will hear of it.” He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, waiting. ‘Verona’ quickly dropped your arm and glared daggers at you. 

You turned to Master Windu, “Thank you, Master. And I am sorry I missed dinner. It was a long night of training and then I got caught up in my meditation. By the time I resurfaced from the Force, it was well past dinner. Maybe I can make up for it and we can all meet tonight instead?” You knew it was petty. Showing off how well you knew the council in front of these hateful females, but you just wanted them to leave you alone. 

“That sounds lovely, Dewdrop. Come, let us go ask the others if they would like to join as well.” He drew his hand up in the direction of the door, and you looked back at the shocked knight's faces, nodded, and swept out of the room following the master who just saved you from harm.

“Thank you, Master. I am unsure as to what started that, or where it was headed, but I thank you anyways for helping me leave it.” He smiled down at you as you walked beside him. 

“Of course, the rest of the Council probably wouldn’t have been so kind.” You nodded in agreement. You and Master Windu met with the rest of the council members, with Masters Yoda, Plo Koon, Kit Fisto, Shaak Ti, Depa Billaba, and even Oppo Rancisis agreed to join you and Master Windu for dinner. The main purpose of these dinners were to check in with you, see how your medications were helping or hindering you, and letting you strengthen the ties to them in the Force to anchor you during your bad days. While attachment is forbidden, there was a special case with you.

When you were discovered, as a three year old child, to be Force-sensitive and brought to the temple you were adjusting well. As you grew in age, your power of the Force grew exponentially. When you were 14, you started showing signs of being mentally unwell after a mission went completely wrong and you master was killed, and you were held hostage, violently tortured, sexually assaulted, kept in a constant state of drugged compliance before you were rescued 29 days later. 

Master Yoda himself noticed you weren't well, and walked you to the Healing Halls to meet with the chief healer, Vokara Che. After many, many sessions of talking with the grandmaster and chief healer, you were diagnosed with manic depression and severe panic disorder with both panic and anxiety attacks. Unfortunately, mind healing didn’t take these away like you had hoped, so Master Che placed you on antidepressants and antianxiety medications. You had to go to the Healing Halls every three days at first. You had shown how dedicated you were to overcoming your ailments, logging in journals every attack, every episode, and roughly how long they lasted, and you now only went twice a month.

When your visits were decreased, you were told, explicitly, that the Halls were open to you if ever you needed. Master Che also informed the council, and an informal meeting was held that night. According to Vokara, when you were in a manic episode before, she was unable to help surface you, but after many trials and errors, she broke the code and tied her signature to yours in a desperate attempt to help you from harming yourself. When informed of this, the council was shocked, some were outraged she so blatantly disregarded the code to save one person. Master Yoda had weighed in then, stating how strong you were with the Force, how having the tie to Master Che helped you have longer periods of stabilization, and he proposed a secret special case. Encourage you to form bonds with other council members, encourage the council members to have open ears if you wanted to talk, and see if this could be brought forth to the rest of the Order, and make them stronger.

So far, the arrangement has worked out wonderfully. Unless you were specifically triggered, you could go months without an episode. But when an episode hit, you were flooded with hateful thoughts, you were irrationally angry, never slept until you passed out from exhaustion, and were constantly moving. When it finally subsided, you were hit with insanely strong panic attacks, and an anxiety attack followed that. The lengths and severities always differed, but normally lasted from 5 days to a week before you were finally able to see the other side again. Luckily, you were usually able to tell when one was about to start, the Force around you normally felt unstable, shaky. If others noticed and told you, you usually played it off as nerves, and then quickly excused yourself from whatever was going on. 

On your way back to your quarters, you would send word to someone on the council, whether through a holocall or a holomessage. They would inform Master Che, and then either Mace Windu or Yoda would show up to your quarters a couple hours later. They would stay in your living space and sink into the Force to exude a calm and peaceful signature, and wrap it around your entire apartment so that no matter where you were in the space, you felt the calming call from the Force. Never once when they were there did you attempt self-harm.

The times you were unable to get a message out to them before you lost yourself, you would race home and end up hiding in the corner of your bedroom. You would stare into space, frozen in place, but your mind never stopping. When the self-hating thoughts invaded you, unable to find peace, and sleep wasn’t an option, you would drag the razor along your skin. You had explained it before, though they never understood. It was a way for you to release the incessant thoughts that invaded your brain. If you didn’t contact them and they found out you had not been seen or heard from in a few hours, Masters Windu and Fisto would almost bust your door down to find you. Twice they had found you with cuts running along your arms and enough blood loss you were unconscious, but still barely alive. Once they had found you in the act, sobbing, with deep scratches running through your hair, along your temples, and down your face. You weren’t allowed to be alone for almost 3 months, and any object even marginally sharp enough to cut you wasn’t given back to you without supervision for almost a year.

[phoeebsbuffay]

Imagine you are Anakin’s Padawan who sacrifice for the Master you love in order to prevent his fall to darkness and become Lady Vader. Together with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, the anguished Anakin is trying all he can in his power to bring you back to life. Part I.

Warnings: none exactly. It’s too long and there’ll be a part 2.

Warnings 2: based on “The Clone Wars” and “Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”, with alterations. Padmé plays the role of an ex flame to Anakin. 🤭

Warnings 3: loosely based on “This Love”, “I Did Something Bad”, “Look What You Made Me Do”, “Wildest Dreams”, all songs by Taylor Swift. 😏

***

Preface.

A cape slips over your body as the hood that falls upon your face hides your features. Your frame is barely perceptible: you are like a ghost, floating over the floor, invisible to some, erased from most people’s memories.

You follow your new master, observing his plans in destroying new planets all the while he’s architecting the destruction of innocents. You give the order 66. You are not yourself anymore.

You stare the emptiness. But when you fall asleep, you are haunted by his pain, his misery, his frustrations. You want to console him, your good side is willing to spare him of all of this.

Don’t. Don’t make this to yourself, Master. I did what I did to save you. So you wouldn’t suffer.

Then you are awake, bathed in salty tears. Drowned under a menace that not even the Emperor suspects to rise again.

Tentacles of darkness tighten the grip upon you. You suffocate. The image of Anakin on his knees, weeping over you, is terrifying. You want to love him. You’ve always loved him. You never expected him to love you in return… even though he did. But the dark force makes you forget the love that bounded you together.

This love only makes you feel bad. This love brings the good out of you. You are angry at yourself. You thought you were saving him, but when you jumped in these waters, you never came back to surface. A price you were more than willing to pay if it meant his safety.

You’ve lost yourself. And when you realize that, darkness eclipses the sun you once were. It’s when you dress your dark robes and throws the vine cape over your small frame, that you know. This love might come back to you.

But you are gone.

Or so you thought.

***

Years before your fall.

Anakin’s POV.•

When Anakin was told he’d get a Padawan after Ahsoka Tano went away, he didn’t receive the news well. He was still grieving the loss of the one who was like a daughter to him. Like the first time, he wasn’t receptive to the idea of instructing a Jedi-to-be.

But it wasn’t a youngling that would come to him, no. In spite of his resistance, a young woman that was close to be knighted was put under his care. She’d have to go through some trials and because her former master was killed under mysterious circumstances, Anakin was given the responsibility to guide her until the end.

However he wasn’t expecting that you would…uh, look the way you did. Your hair proved a stark contrast to how you presented yourself, calm like waters. Red as flame, it was tied in a very elaborated braid much in the same style Anakin saw in the hairs of the ladies of nobility. It was as if that deep shade red called out your personality.

However, your oval face was delicate with fine features; he noticed how your eyes were open, observing and somewhat shy. Your lips, full, slightly opened in a gentle smile when greeting your new master. But to Anakin’s horror, he came to perceive your handsomeness in other aspects too. When looking down at you, your Jedi robes seemed to reinforce your curves.

He had to shield his mind and suppress his inappropriate thoughts when greeting you.

“This is Y/N, Anakin.” Obi-Wan proudly introduced the two of you. “She was the Padawan of Master Dias before all that tragedy happened, which only recently we’ve come to discover his unfortunate whereabouts. You will be charged to educate her, better yet, to improve her education so she can go to her trials easily.”

Oh, Maker. Here we go again.

“Since I have little choice upon the matter…Greetings, Y/N. I’m Anakin Skywalker and I’ll be your new master.” He took you under his wing, redirecting you away from other Jedis. “I’m sorry about what happened to your former master. But since we are here, I need to know what you’ve learnt so far.”

You were quiet, introspective. So different from Ahsoka that a comparison was inevitable. Anakin didn’t like that. He struggled to understand your thoughts since you’ve learnt to shield them well.

Ugh.

But Anakin would not take long to know that quiet waters hid deadly menaces. Or, as often Obi-Wan told him, the quietest ones often thought too loud.

“You must give me all you have, come on!” He knew he pushed you to the edge. And he was pleased when by doing so your cooling mask didn’t resist anymore.

“I… am… trying!” You exclaimed, frustrated. “This isn’t how I operate, Master!”

“Well I am your Master now”, Anakin said arrogantly. “I know you can give me better than that.”

He smirked as you frowned at him. That day the two of you were fighting without sabers because, as Anakin instructed you, sometimes you could miss it in the heat of the battle or the enemy might steal it from you. So then what? He’d claim that, as important as your lightsaber was, one must never rely entirely one’s survival on it.

So there you were. Using the Force to attack your new Master, who had little difficulty to counterattack you. And that was how you fell. Again.

And again.

And again.

“ARGH!” You yell eventually, frustrated.

Anakin then decided to give you a break, seeing that frustration he knew so well in his own days as a Padawan to Obi-Wan. He stood out his hand for you and you took it, though having initially refused because you were proud.

“You are doing a good job, Y/N.” He saw tears running up to your eyes, and the struggle you were putting to hold them back. His heart would have softened his behavior, but… something stopped him. Ahsoka wouldn’t have cried. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Yet, you overhead your Master’s thoughts. And he realized a little too late that you did. You didn’t say nothing, rather nodding. Since Anakin ended the training that day, you went back to your quarters. He watched you go, defeated.

For fuck sake.

“Y/N.” Anakin called your name as he ran after you. “I’m sorry.”

“What for, Master?” Your voice came out gently, mirroring the sensitive soul that were often seen in your eyes. Anakin was forced to acknowledge that you were not Ahsoka. And thank the Maker for that. You looked at him confused. “I should be the one to apologize for not matching your…hum… expectations.”

Anakin didn’t see until now the bruises in your arms. He hasn’t notice your curves until recently either. Oh damn.

“No need to apologize for that. It’s just… I should have realized this was going to be difficult for you as it was for me”, said he. Now both of you were out of the red room, Anakin led you to your quarters. “I had difficulties when the Council went after my Padawan like that. You must know the story…”

“I have heard about it”, you said almost solemnly. “If It’s a comfort for you, I didn’t agree with the Council’s resolution when it came to my knowledge. We are all worthy of second chances, are we not?”

Anakin was positively surprised as he saw through the goodness you naturally projected in your manners that you could be compassionate and kind.

A small smirk twisted in the corner of his lips.

“I think we are more similar than I thought, Y/N.”

To which you smiled in response.

“I agree, Master.”

***

Current Days. Death Star.

Your POV.•

Your Master asks for you. Sensing conflict in you, the Emperor wants to test you. You have been occupied checking the clones and other bureaucracies that you detest.

When you find him in the usual spot, you know he’s not entirely pleased with your service and you don’t have to speculate too much.

I should have shielded my mind better.

“Lady Vader”, the voice comes out from the dark hood that prevents you to see his face even though there’s no need for that knowing who he is. “Do I detect a troubled conscience in you?”

You step forward and go down in one knee, your eyes on the floor. A position of subjugation. Some part of you shakes against the chains of the dark force. The disturbance has never felt so strong.

Like a prey, you fall right into the fangs of the snake. You suffocate. It’s unbearable. So you give in, because there’s little point to struggle. Because a part of you…enjoys it. To be drawn to darkness. To be… yourself.

“No, Master.”

“You better not. In fact, I sense you have been bored. Given the amount of power you have, it’s understandable. Surrounded by ants you are.” He laughs. A cold laughter deprived of joy. A sound that scratches your ears.

“They are useless.” It’s what you say. “But their skills can work well for us.”

“Indeed.” He makes a pause as if to decide whether you are worthy of his trust. He seems to think you do because Palpatine says: “Naboo is, much to our dismay, resisting our forces. I have only recently learned that Senator Amidala has been rescued. The rebels are planning a direct attack against us. We ought to stop their success in reclaiming our planet.”

You sense where this is going to take you. But prepared for what’s to be said, all you do is nod.

“It also came to my attention that Order 66 has not been as effective as I have hoped”, the Emperor continues. “You must destroy the remaining Jedis, Lady Vader. Do you think you could do that?”

You see a smirk beneath that dark hood. Hate is seen through Force, but somehow you manage to manipulate the Emperor that this sentiment is not addressed to him, but to your former companions.

“Good, good. I wouldn’t like to think that destroying Anakin Skywalker might constitute a problem to you.”

You knew this is what would come to eventually. But hearing his name almost cost your mental shield. You feel that chain again tighten your wrist, your neck… your soul.

“Is it going to be?”

You breathe. Almost mechanically, even though you are not a machine.

“No, Master. I will sweep the Jedis out of the Galaxy as it should have been done long time ago.” You say most convincingly.

“Excellent. Never forget, Vader, that I don’t tolerate failures.”

There’s no need to speak. You bow and prepare to leave. As you take the ship, coordinating the clones to two more ships, ready to command the Order 66, your mind drives you back to the old days. So unwelcoming, so… unwanted.

*

Flashback of your Padawan days.

You remember the first mission you went with Anakin the two of you struggled to adapt to each other’s modus operandi. He was always doing everything himself, not expecting to get any help from you.

“Master, I need to acquire experience in field so I can go to my trials without much trouble.” You told him, patient as ever. Even if he did test you sometimes.

“Y/N, you’ll be fine with the trials. I know that, believe me.” He chuckled. Always arrogant, always cocky.

You could only sigh. Sometimes you’d surprise him by not listening to his orders and playing the reckless one when you were instructed not to.

“What did I tell you not to do?” Anakin sighed exasperated.

“I did defeat the Ventress, though”, you smirked and surprised him when you pointed out to Dooku’s former pupil unconscious on the floor.

“Did you kill her?” He asked you with eyebrows raised. You felt so full of yourself because, finally, you had impressed your Master.

“Of course not, Master. That is not the Jedi way to resolve things.” You quoted him, which made him smirk in turn.

“Congratulations are in order, Padawan. You did manage to suprehend me.”

“You should not underestimate me, Master.” You told him gleefully.

That was the first day you noticed the deep blue that painted his eyes. They seemed so…inviting. You thought best not to look straight away. How fool you were making yourself.

If he had seen something about the way you looked at him, he’d not say a word. Nonetheless, Anakin pressed a hand over your shoulder and said:

“That was what I meant when I told you that the trials would be easy peasy.”

His confidence over you made you smile. Any insecurity about being his Padawan seemed to dissipate. There was trust between you two at long last.

And he was there when you went to your trials. Before you entered the rooms where your exam was expected to be performed, he said:

“Don’t trust your sentiments, but listen to your instincts.”

“Aren’t both the same?” You asked him confused.

“Sort of. With the difference that the instincts often prove to be more reasonable and thus correct. They are useful in deadly missions, you know that, having fought the Ventress.”

You felt encouraged by his words, how he recollected a great victory in your Padawan career so far. Anakin seemed to be pleased for providing you more confidence, aware that you needed that.

Master Windu was there to preside the trials. He swept the smile off your face when he said:

“This is not a mission, Y/N. You may have defeated the Ventress, but this is different. Overconfidence is not the Jedi way.”

That was the day you found out how arrogant you thought this Master was. And he called himself a Jedi? You scoffed.

But there was little time to overthink his words. The trials were difficult, mostly because they played tricks with your mind. To live your worst nightmares and battle them with the conscience that they could not overpower you… was uneasy. Nonetheless, it was all thanks to Anakin, whose methods and hard trainings shaped your fighting skills, that you were able to subdue the simulator.

“Y/N, a difficult year you went through”, master Yoda said. Lights turned on and exhausted you were, but happier for having it ended. You sought the eyes of your master. Anakin was there, eyes twinkling with pride, a sight that made your heart melt and nearly diverted you from Yoda’s speech. “…and here you are. Down to your knees must you go, Y/N. To welcome you amongst the fellow Jedis we are to knight you.”

You did so. However content you were for this moment, though, you were disappointed that Anakin wasn’t the one to bestow you the knighthood. And you could tell he was disappointed too. You were the only there present to sense his dissatisfaction.

*

Present Days.

“Lady Vader, what are your orders?”

You are brought back to the moment. Swallowing hard, you say:

“I want them alive. Bring the rebels to me and I’ll be the one to judge their fate.”

You finally land in Naboo. The beauty of the planet is not what once was and part of you laments that the war led that region to this point of destruction.

You leave your ship thus, dressed in a long black velvet gown with a hood over your head. You ought to inspire better fear when you remain unseen. It’s alluring, but every enchant seems amiss at the thought of seeing Anakin again.

You know he’s nearby. You close your eyes. You feel each other. The battle is inevitable.

Your heart breaks again.

***

Flashback.

Anakin’s POV.•

He hoped to dissipate his frustration once he took you out to celebrate. But Anakin could not distract you from himself.

“What’s the matter, Master?“ you asked him, worried. “Did I do something to upset you?”

For the very first time your hair was not tied, but fell loose behind your shoulders. It was like watching fire burn intently. A beautiful sight to behold. It did divert Anakin from his thoughts.

“Uh? Hm, no. Y/N, of course not.” Anakin sought to assure you. “Come now, we have to celebrate your success. If I remember correctly, you can’t drink alcohol, right?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Master, don’t change topics. I know something’s troubling you and I think I know what this is.”

Anakin raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

“If you think you know what that might be, why should I tell you?”

“Because you need to trust in me”, you told him. Your good heart always surprised him, often caught him out of guard. “I am not just your Padawan, but a friend you can rely on.”

Anakin chuckled at how mature you sound. He couldn’t believe it. And you were, what, seventeen?

As if you read his thoughts, you corrected him:

“I’m nineteen, Master. I’m hardly underage.” And you smirked. “This tells you that, yes, law allows me to drink alcohol.”

Anakin laughed. He could tell you were lighter when got him in a better mood. In fact, when looking at your demeanor, he was suspecting to see something rather different, even though he could not decipher what that was.

“You don’t have to keep things to yourself.” You insisted again. “Is it because the Council refuses to acknowledge your efforts as a Jedi?”

“What makes you think that?” Anakin wasn’t sure if he appreciated how well you proved to be a people reader. Or… a good reader about him, anyway.

As you entered in the restaurant dressed in Jedi robes, Anakin requested two drinks for both of you.

“I will not talk about this matter today, Y/N. I want to celebrate your conquest.”

He saw in your eyes the stubbornness. You are not dropping the matter.

“Fine, if you say so.” But you didn’t convince him about it. “What did you think about the trials?”

“Easy peasy”. He told you with a smirk on his lips. “You did go to worse battles when we were in the galaxy, no matter what Windu told you. Ventress was a difficult opponent that even Obi-Wan struggled to overpower.”

As drinks were served along food, the talks began to gradually become more casual.

“I appreciate that. Thank you, Master.”

It all began with a sip.

“It’s Anakin now, Y/N.”

Why was he locking eyes with you? When Anakin realized you didn’t break away from his gaze, he was forced to do so. But he didn’t like how it felt.

“If you say so.” Anakin detected a happier tone in your voice.

Anakin rose his eyes again. He had his reasons not to get involved with someone ever since Padmé broke up with him. He was still healing from the occasion, specially because he used to think she was the love of his life. It’s been thirteen months…but it doesn’t hurt like it used to.

“I do say so.” A second long sip followed the first one. “It’s been a while since I’ve done this. Did you have fun with your former Master?”

The next confession caught him off guard. Again.

“I never went outside the Jedi Temple.” You told him. “Had very few friends and preferred to occupy myself with books and trainings.”

Anakin raised an eyebrow at you. He leant forward on the table where he rested his elbows, staring right into your eyes. The Jedi never seemed to notice the grey that colored your irises.

“Am I corrupting you? By the Maker, what kind of Master am I?”

The two of you laughed, in a louder volume. When seeing the frown the owner of the restaurant addressed you two, Anakin asked for the check. It also came to his attention that you were going as red as your hair.

The stars were sparkling the night, ruling the dark skies uncontestedly by the time you left the restaurant, somewhat…drunk.

The two of you locked hands, intertwining your fingers as Anakin led you outdoors, which you didn’t seem to mind. Though you were nervous, there were butterflies in your stomach.

“Y/N…” Anakin was now more serious. He made you turn at him. The whole place fell silent. There were just the two of you. “This night is flawless.”

You thought you should part the gaze, remove his hand and prevent him from putting a lock of your hair behind your ear. But you didn’t. Anakin sensed your heart race. He knew he shouldn’t either.

But before either considered interrupt the moment concerning the non attachment rule of the Jedi Order, he pressed a kiss on your lips. It was slow. Hesitantly, suddenly sober. It was meant only to brush his lips against yours. However when he smelled your scent, his hands cupped your cheeks and he gave in. His tongue broke into your reluctant mouth and was positively surprised by the response yours gave him.

Before the kiss was meant to grow intense, giving path to your souls reclaim each other’s carnally, Anakin broke it. He parted from you and he could see disappointment in your eyes, though you smiled rather shyly.

Anakin took your hand to his lips and there pressed a kiss.

“Thank you, Y/N. For providing me peace.”

And the next words would never leave his heart.

“I would do anything in my power to make you feel this way… Ani. Your happiness lightens my world.”

A small smirk turned into a crooked grin when his eyes melt in yours.

“As yours brings balance to my universe, Y/N.”

That was when he finally fell for you.

*

The secretive relationship went quiet for the next two years. Because you both were occupied fighting the Clone Wars, there was little time to dwell in the real nature of the matters of your heart, as much as you wanted to take things to another level.

You thought you were fine with it, though, until the day you were assigned a mission to Naboo. There were matters that required the attention of its Senator, a beautiful woman named Padmé Amidala. You had no idea she was once romantically associated to Anakin until the day Obi-Wan casually mentioned:

“You see, Y/N, it’s funny how things can be… Ever since Padmé and him ended their romantic liaison, he refused to go to Naboo. Suddenly he’s been well resolved. I suppose our talk resolved whatever unfinished business he had there.”

There was little time to ask him about it, and you knew clones were with you when you took ship to Naboo. Anakin knew you were serious, more than usual. But he sensed something was wrong. He managed to talk to you away from the men and when he asked the reason you were grumpy, you shoot him a glare and said:

“Why didn’t you tell me Senator Padmé was once the object of your affections?”

Oh. So this is what it’s about. Shit. Should have seen that coming…

“I… to be honest, I forgot to tell you about it.”

“Forgot to tell me about it?” You hissed lowly so only he heard you. “How could you keep this away from me, Anakin?!”

“I don’t have feelings for her anymore! I swear!” He was genuinely preoccupied you’d not believe him and for now, you didn’t give in to the sudden rise of jealousy you’ve never felt until now.

“Well I hope so. For your sake.”

Anakin knew you were hurt. He could search for your feelings and find the truth. Wasn’t ironic how he was placed in the same shoes Padmé was when he was jealous about Clovis? Now, however, he couldn’t really care less about them.

But as cordialities were expected to a mission as diplomatic as this, you realized you were not strong enough to prevent jealousy fang its claws upon your chest when you saw how warmly Padmé received Anakin. And he ignored you all the way after a brief introduction.

You didn’t like that. To watch him touch her elbow and smile down at her. Your chest burnt with rage and you had to excuse yourself to walk outside, but it was right when Anakin called you to summarize the requests of the Jedis to the Senator.

“I thought you’d already given her, Master”, you tried to say cooly, but Anakin narrowed his eyes. He knew you.

“Come now, I forgot the instructions Obi-Wan gave you.” Turning to Padmé he added: “She’s his favorite now. Obi-Wan says he trusts her prudence more than me, can you believe that?”

You blushed.

“I can hardly tell you why, Anakin”, said the Senator, amused.

You ended up doing as you were told, feeling a small hint of regret for letting jealousy cloud your judgement. Padmé was kind and possessed a good heart, even if her eyes lingered a little too much in Anakin’s features.

After dinner, you were ready to go back to bed, when he came for you.

“Y/N… We must talk.”

You knew why he was coming after you, aware you were sulking and therefore not in the best mood. Hence why you’ve been avoiding him all afternoon. But it was the way he looked at you that operated a change in your mind as Anakin had hoped.

“I love you”, he said, leaning you against the door of your private bedchambers. “You live in my heart now, my lady on fire.”

You looked right into his eyes. Anakin knew too well what you were feeling and only now he understood the perils of jealousy. But, unlike him, you were more prompted to reason than to angst bursts. So you believed in his words instead of prolonging arguments.

You kissed him passionately in response before dragging him inside your private quarters. Anakin mostly gladly complied to your wishes…

(To be continue)

[blkgojo]

The Kitchen is Home | Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Wanda is grief-stricken over the death of her brother. She’s far from home and reclusive. All you want to do is make her favorite foods. Fluffy.

Word Count: 2.096

Make no mistake. You weren't an Avenger. You were their cook. The job was a simple one, prepare the meals (if need be) and stock their fridge.  No riff raff. Nothing fancy. Honestly, the most exciting thing was when Wanda and Vision arrived. You thought she was quite pretty if a bit reserved. She barely left her room. Didn't go on many missions. 'Give her time,' Steve had told Tony.

None of that was your concern. You just wanted to know what food she liked.

 Most of the Avengers filled out a form or told you themselves what they enjoyed. When Bruce was around, he liked it when you made him protein and fiber rich dinners. Steve was a simple guy who made his own meals, always apologized before asking you to grab him something from the store. Natasha liked the fruit parfaits and pelmeni you cooked. Vision was quick to tell you he didn't exactly enjoy food.

Wanda? Nothing.

"What're you making?" Natasha walked into the kitchen. Her boots clicked against the rough tile.

You looked up from your bread. There was blood on her cheek. "Back from a mission?"

She nodded and rounded the island to stand next to you.

"Struuji," you said slowly. Apple dumplings. A desert common in the Balkans.

"Struklji," Natasha corrected. She grinned at the food. That little knowing half-smirk she always did. "They look good. I'm guessing you're making them for our newest Sokovian."

"Well, she hasn't exactly filled out the form or gotten back to me-"

"Mhm."

"- so I thought I'd just make some food. Make her feel at home."

"Uh huh."

You paused. Natasha wasn't even listening. She was just staring at the food.

"I'll make you some, too."

Her face brightened. "You're too sweet. Thank you, Y/N."

When the struklji was done, you made the plate pretty, topped off the pastries with a sprinkle of icing, and walked over to Wanda's room. The door swung open the moment you raised your hand to knock.

Wanda was there. Sitting on her bed. Staring at you with one brow lifted.

"Does that mean I can come in?" You asked.

"What do you think?" She replied.

You stepped in and the door promptly shut behind you. She cocked her head to the side, nodded at the plate in your hand.

"What's that?"

"Struklji," you said, stumbling over the word. You walked over and placed it on the empty spot next to her. "I made you some."

"Because I'm Sokovian." She didn't give you time to reply. "You can go." And then, as an afterthought. "Thank you."

You knew you were dismissed by how her head swivelled back to the TV. You hesitated, wanting to see how she liked it, but ultimately, left, closing the door behind you.

--

"Wanda liked your cooking."

"Really?"

--

She still hadn't approached you, hadn't even said thank you, but you wouldn't be swayed.  The Avengers were in a meeting debrief while you were in the kitchen, finishing up the last touches on the mekitsa. You counted 12. Enough for everyone even Tony who always managed to have something to say about your cooking.

" Oh? I didn't know this was a buffet." And there you go. There was Tony. Always talking.

You ignored him and placed the food down.

Tony pointed at the plate. "And what is this?"

"It's mekitsa," Wanda interrupted. Her eyes met yours.

"Is that Sokovian?" Steve asked.

She shook her head. "No, but it's common to eat it for breakfast or find someone on the street selling it. It's like a donut."

"Well, if Y/N made it, I'm sure it's good," Steve offered. He grabbed one and took a bite, nodding slowly as he ate. One by one the Avengers followed. Wanda being the last one.

She grabbed one, still eyeing you, and took a bite. The powdered sugar poofed, bits of it falling to decorate her hands and shirt. You looked at her. She was the only one you really cared to see their reaction.

"Is it good?"

Her expression was hesitant. Her eyes far away as if trapped in some memory. To your surprise, she frowned, eyed the pastry as if it had committed some crime.

Slowly, she nodded. She didn't smile or say thank you. She ate it and when she was finished, she took another one. You didn't know what to make of that.

--

You delivered food to Wanda for the next few weeks. Anything and everything remotely Sokovian or Balkan. Salma. Baklava. Rafioli. Gozleme.

"I don't know, Y/N," Natasha leaned back against the chair. Her feet kicked up on the desk. "It's like ever since Wanda came you forgot the rest of us eat, too."

The funny thing was that she was eating. You made the whole compound stuffed peppers for dinner. You were half on your way to bringing the plate to Wanda when Natasha, mouth half full with a pepper, began commenting.

You rolled your eyes. "That's not true."

Tony nodded. "It's true. You're slacking on your duties."

If he wasn't your boss, you'd remind him that tending to Wanda was your duty, but Tony didn't like being corrected. Again, you rolled your eyes. This time, sighing as well. You pointed at the pepper in his hand.

"It'd be easier if I didn't have an extra mouth to feed."

"You mean, me?" He pointed at himself. "The one who signs your check?"

You began walking again. Wanda's food would be cold if you continued to dilly dally. Like always, the door opened when you stepped up to knock. Wanda was sitting on the bed, facing the television as she always was when they weren't trying to get her acquainted with the Avengers lifestyle.

She nodded at the plate. "Stuffed peppers?"

You walked over and placed it beside her. "How'd you know?"

She pointed at her head. "Stark. He's loud."

"I stuffed them with lamb."

Her eyes met yours. She was fond of prolonged eye contact. Unafraid of it, but you would be, too, if you were a telepath.

"I can hear your thoughts, you know?"  

You stumbled over your words. For the first time, you thought you saw her grin. Just a bit. A lift at the corner of her lips.

"It's hard keeping track of all your superpowers." You shook your head, turning to the TV. Modern Family was playing on the screen. "You like sitcoms?"

"It's funny."

"Have you seen Living Single? It's another sitcom," you smiled faintly. "Probably not as distributed abroad."

She shook her head, picked up the remote and pointed it at the screen. "Is it online?"

"Oh. Um," You pointed at the bed.

"You can sit."

You sat next to her, scooted the food between you two. It took perusing through multiple streaming channels for you both to realize Living Single is nowhere to be found.

"Maybe, it's only on DVD," Wanda said, turning towards you. Up close like this, you noticed how her eyes had a rim of red around the green iris. Even when her powers were presumably not active.

"Probably." You shrugged.

An awkward silence settled between you. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips, her eyes looking down at the ground, deep in thought. You slowly began to feel as if you overstayed your welcome. You stood up and rubbed your hands on your jeans.

"Well, I should probably-"

"Why are you so nice to me?"

"What."

She looked up at you. Her brows furrowed. "Why are you so nice to me?" She repeated slowly.

"You're far away from home," you said entirely too fast. Almost like a question. You continued in a slower voice, averting your gaze to calm your nerves. "I just- " You shrugged. "It's not fun being somewhere where no one is like you. Not really like you."

She stared at you for so long you turned to leave. "It's not," you heard her say behind you.

You turned.

"Thank you," she smiled. A genuine smile with her teeth and all. She pointed down at the plate. "For everything."

"Yeah, of course."

--

"Y/N."

You turned, jumped, to see Wanda coming at you down the hallway. She'd been there for two months now and just returned from a mission. When you turned, she waved a DVD, too far away for you to make out the title.

"Whassup?"

She held up the DVD.

"How'd you find it?" You half-shrieked.

"Being an Avenger has perks." She smiled. "Do you want to watch it?"

"Um," you looked towards the kitchen. There was stuff to get done, but there was always stuff that needed to get done.  It could wait. "Yeah. Sure."

There was only a bed in Wanda's room which wasn't normally an issue because normally, she sat criss-cross on it, and you could sit a little farther behind. This time she was more relaxed, scooting to the side so you had  space. Barely. When you sat down, your leg touched hers.

She pressed the 'play' button on the remote control and you began watching the first episode. She didn't move her leg. You didn't either.

--

"Y/N! You gonna go back to being our cook or are you still content with just being Wanda's?" Tony asked you.

He sat at the meeting table as he always did. Only this time the other Avengers were present save for Thor. You rolled your tongue in your cheek. He was your boss, you reminded yourself. Despite yourself, you peeked at Wanda. She didn't like Tony much, but her expression is carefully blank.

"Leave Y/N alone," said Natasha.

"I make food for everyone." You placed a plate of beef patties on the table.

Tony grabbed one off the table and inspected it. "So, this isn't a Sokovian dish?"

"It's Jamaican," you deadpanned.

"Hm." He took a bite. "Did Wan-"

"No, I did not request it."

It was beginning to feel like everyone knew something was up with you and Wanda. You and her had pledged to watch all the American sitcoms she hadn't seen, ranging from Living Single to Moesha, and there were many nights where you honestly just stayed up with her. Vision would join sometimes, too. It was your thing.

But, maybe, they all saw more than you did. For you, it looked like a friendship. Of course, there were times when you two lingered with one another - your hands touching the shared popcorn, your knees bumping and not moving away - but that was just it. These were moments in time.

You were in her room again. You leaned back against the pillow cushion, she laid next to you, a bowl of popcorn between you two. You didn't want to say anything. You didn't want to assume, but there was a palpable tension between you. One that had you avoiding her gaze, sitting closer to the edge than the center.

"There's a lot of singing in this one," she said.

"You sound disgusted."

"I am."

Under normal circumstances, you would've laughed. Now, you didn't know what to do. A laugh would be forced. Ignoring it would be weird. You decided on looking at her. She looked healthier now. Sadness still existed in the corners of her eyes, but she looked like she was eating well. Beautiful then and beautiful now.

She turned to look at you. Her lips curled up in a slight smile.

"I can hear you."

"I'm not- Oh." You could feel your face warming up. You averted your gaze to the popcorn. "Do you always hear me?"

She turned her body entirely, away from the movie to face you. She nodded.

"That's awkward."

"It's not." Her eyes lingered at your lips. "I enjoy it."

You two lay there, staring at one another. You turned towards her, mimicking her position. If you could see yourself, you'd know that you looked like a mix between apprehension and happiness. All you had to do was move forward. Kiss her. It'd be so simple.

"I think you're beautiful, too," she said quietly. "And I like it when we touch."

Her hands hesitantly reached out to touch yours. First, the fingertips and then, palm to palm.

"I do, too," you whispered.

Your kiss was a hesitant one. She wasn't the one to lean forward first. You swallowed your fear and did it. She met you. Her lips trembled. Yours did too. You pulled back to look at her, analyze if you were doing the right thing, your eyes searched hers for some confirmation. What you were met with was a bit of fear. A longing.

You kissed her again.

[blrush]

Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (if it was a serious drama with hour long episodes)... Part 1: The Wedding Night

“Presenting, the bridegroom! … Presenting, the bride!”

Ki Wan could feel his heart beating in his throat, and pools of sweat were soaking into his layers of bridal wear. The sun was blistering, his hair was pulled too tight, his face itched from the make-up and it took all his strength not to lower his hands and scratch at it. He kept his arms raised, and angled his face down as much as possible, looking only at the ground instead of the man in front of him. This was absurd, how did he end up here?

The night before, he had gone to visit his sister, only to find her room empty, her wedding robes laid out across the bed, and a note which simply read; “I’m sorry.” He knew immediately that she had run away, and he could not blame her. He’d wanted to run himself so often from their home. Since their mother’s death, the Choi house had remained a desolate and cold place. His sister and himself both kept to themselves, busy with laundry, cutting firewood, mending clothes, cooking, cleaning. Endlessly, day in and day out. In the evening, they were both so tired they would simply sit in companionable silence, reading.

Though the Choi family had always been a noble family, it seemed their father was determined to end that legacy. After their mother passed, he took to drinking and would disappear to the city for days or weeks on end, leaving the teens alone. At first, the house without him was preferable, with their servants around, they didn’t feel the loss of their mother quite so badly. But soon the servants began to leave, first the caretaker, then the cook, then his sister’s handmaid. It became clear their father was gambling away their fortunes. He would arrive home, stumbling out of a carriage, cart, or palanquin blind drunk. Ki Wan knew circumstances were truly dire the night he came home without a footman or transport, simply riding through the gates on horseback, slumped over like a bag of rice.

Without warning one spring morning, he announced that Hwa Jin was to be married into the Ryu family. Ki Wan knew the name, a long standing and large noble family from the neighbouring province. Every business and manor home in those mountains bore the name “Ryu”.

“A nobleman named Ho Seon”, proclaimed their father between mouthfuls, “He needs a young wife, I believe his mother is sick.” He gulped down some soju. “I have made arrangements with his great uncle. He will come for you next week and take you to the Ryu estate to be wed.”

Ki Wan expected an outburst from his sister, she was no wallflower and had always been braver than him. He expected shouting, violence, smashed crockery. Nothing. She sat quietly staring down at her bowl of rice and the measly scraps they were excusing for dinner. She mumbled an acknowledgment, and picked at her food.

Later that night, Ki Wan took a lantern, and went to her room. He knocked gently, and she called to enter. He found her pulling a set of bright red and blue robes from a wooden trunk.

“It was mother’s.” she said. “I don’t even remember her giving it to me, I feel as though I’ve always had it. It just never occurred to me that I might actually have to wear it one day.”

Folded up with the robes were beautiful jewels and hairpins, that seemed to glisten even in the dull flickering candle light.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t sold these.” Ki Wan observed, as he gently held a hair pin made of smooth jade.

“I don’t think he knew they were here.” Replied Hwa Jin.

They both sat staring at the blood red robe. As usual they barely spoke, yet Ki Wan felt he knew what Hwa Jin must be thinking – for his own mind was a tangle of thoughts and flooded with emotion. He thought of the enormity of what was to come, what that dress meant for Hwa Jin, the bitter resentment and sadness she must be feeling toward their father, and how beautiful their mother must have looked herself in that dress.

Their mother had been a true beauty, smiling and warm, she was always full of light and colour. Perhaps he was imagining her more radiantly in his memories. But he will never forget how wrong it was to see her so pale. When she became sick it was as if all the colour drained from the world, and before he knew it, she was gone. Their father began to change. At first, he just seemed sad, but it was as if the sadness became a sickness in itself. He had once been a chubby and jolly sort of man, yet he became spindly and skinny, his skin almost grey. He never hugged them or laughed with them anymore, he barely acknowledged them at all. They felt like ghosts in their own home, each floating around aimlessly, slowly fading away.

Ki Wan opened his hand, the jade hairpin he was holding was now warm. Hmm, it seemed he was still warm – not a ghost after all.

Over the next few days, his sister seemed to retreat even further into herself. She barely left her room or ate, she began neglecting her share of the duties – though Ki Wan couldn’t blame her. If he was to marry some strange man, he would feel fairly distracted and nervous too. In fact, he imagined his sister must be even more scared. As a young man, Ki Wan was afforded certain liberties that she was not, he had accompanied his father before on business through the nearby towns, and had even once been to the capitol. He had attended Seodang school as a boy, been invited to aristocratic gatherings and meetings with his father, he’d slept in inns and toasted with strangers. His sister, as far as he knew, had barely left the house. She grew up completely within the confines of their walled property, took lessons in the garden, and had (perhaps) been into town a handful of times with their mother to buy dresses. But since recently, she had no handmaid to accompany her and was confined to the walls of the Choi residence. Ki Wan suddenly felt a deep sense of regret, for in his own grief, he had never thought to offer help to his sister in this way. She must have felt like a prisoner for years.

And so, when he found her missing, and the note left with the dress, he was not surprised. He felt anger at himself, he had failed her. He had been selfish and blind to her strife. Though he was somewhat fearful for her safety out in the world on her own, he also had faith that she could survive on her own, as she had always been smarter and braver than him. Now, all that remained was to break the news to his father. But should be wait, to give her a head start? Would their father go after her? With what resources? He had no men or horses to chase her, and no clue as to the where she would be headed. Did she have connections they did not know about? An old friend somewhere, or a lover perhaps? Ryu Ho Seon’s great uncle would be arriving in the morning to collect her, should he raise the alarm before then, or feign ignorance of her disappearance? His mind was whirring, but he found himself diligently heading toward his father’s chambers.

He found his father asleep, sitting on the floor slumped over the table. He imagined his father’s shame in the morning, facing some nobleman demanding to know the whereabouts of his daughter. What if he thought Master Choi had been lying about the existence of such a daughter? Ki Wan realised how pathetic his father had become, and yet, he was still his father.

“Father! Wake up. Father!” He jostled him awake, by shaking his shoulder.

“Hmmmm?!?? Wha, what?” Ki Wan waited for his father to wake properly and look at him.

“Hwa Jin is gone. She has run away.”

“WHAT!?” His father burst upright, waving his arm up frantically and catching Ki Wan on the jaw. “WHAT!? GONE!?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?”

“She left a note. She has run away.” He tried to explain, holding his jaw, checking his lip for blood.

“STUPID SELFISH GIRL! DOES SHE KNOW WHAT SHE’S DONE!!?” He was yelling at no one in particular, gesturing wilding around the room. Ki Wan waited for him to calm down. Eventually, after some incoherent swearing and mumbling, his father sat back down, unsteadily, at the table. With his head in his hands he mumbled again …

“She doesn’t know what she’s done.” He sounded completely crest-fallen. Through deep breathes, he was fighting back tears, mumbling again “She was meant to save us… the marriage … going to save us….she ….left … abandoned us.”

“Father, what do you mean? Father?” His father’s passionate outburst seemed to have drained him, and he was beginning to fall asleep once more, Ki Wan kept gentling jostling his arm trying to keep him conscious.

“The deal…” he murmured into his sleeve. “…money… we’re finished… I… failed you.”

As his father fell asleep, Ki Wan wiped the tears and alcohol off his face.

Sitting in the cold room, whilst his father snored, Ki Wan tried to put together what his father had said. A deal. Of course, why else would he suddenly marry Hwa Jin off now, so suddenly. He must had brokered some sort of deal with this great uncle Ryu, perhaps an old acquaintance or friend of his father, or more likely, a gambling buddy to whom he had lost one too many wagers. A young, energetic, pretty, fertile, noble bride for his great-nephew in exchange for what, a set price, an amount of gold, an annual living wage? Whatever the price, his father would have no choice but to take it, they had nothing and all three of them would soon be starving.

But what was the catch? Young, eligible noble women were normally married off with a dowry themselves, and even though the Choi family had fallen somewhat into disrepute, Hwa Jin was still a noble woman by birth. So, this begged the question, what was so horribly wrong with Nobleman Ryu Ho Seon that he could not find a bride himself, that his family were so desperate they were essentially marrying HIM off with a dowry instead?

As dawn broke, Ki Wan sat in his sister’s room, carefully applying make-up and attempting to fix his hair into some upright fashion. This was a disaster, what was he thinking? But the faces of his mother and father from a decade ago, smiling happily at him was all he could think of. Perhaps it was some sense of lingering loyalty to his mother’s memory, or misguided pity for his father – but he had decided the only way forward, to save himself and his father, was to keep up his father’s end of the bargain.

He attempted to style his long hair into a low bun as he had seen his sister do, but his skills were limited, and the bun kept falling out, he couldn’t get the pins to sit in the right places. He looked a mess, but it would have to suffice, he would have to rely on the illusion of the clothes and hope that no one looked too closely.

A group of men carrying a set of palanquin came into the courtyard, and a middle-aged woman climbed out. She was very brisk and formal, she greeted him curtly.

“Miss Choi Hwa Jin, I presume? I’m Master Ryu Jin-Yeong’s secretary. It’s a long ride back, so you’d better hop in. Have you relieved yourself this morning? You should do, the road up to the mountains is bumpy and will take many hours.”

Ki Wan was taken aback by her manner, but nodded politely, and kept looking at his feet. He figured, if he could hide his neck he might pass as a woman. People had often commented on how he and his sister could have been twins, and when he was younger he was teased for being too small and dainty. His sister had once said that it was a shame they weren’t sisters, for he would have made such a pretty girl with such a small face, yet instead he looked awkward as a spindly sort of boy, and would never be considered truly attractive to noble women, who liked men with broad shoulders and strong bone-structure. These sort of rude comments and confused compliments never bothered Ki Wan much, as romance, courting and marriage had never really appealed to him in the first place. He never imagined himself marrying a woman, though he certainly never imagined himself marrying AS a woman either.

Before climbing into the palanquin, his father came down from his quarters, and pulled him in for a very stilted but tight hug. He had told his father his plan this morning, though he wasn’t sure how much of it his father fully comprehended. He looked even sadder than he had the night before. Ki Wan hated to think of his father left alone here, drinking away his sorrows without anyone left to watch over him. Though, at this point, the alternate prospect, of staying - only to slowly starve to death together - was far worse. Yet, when he came down to bid Ki Wan farewell, he seemed completely sober. He grasped Ki Wan tightly, then let go just as quickly, and gave him a look that seemed to convey such gratitude and depth of desperation that Ki Wan had to look away, and quickly climb into the carriage to prevent himself from crying.

The ride was indeed bumpy, and after an hour or so Ki Wan began to feel exceedingly nauseous. He didn’t want to ask to stop, for he feared his voice would give his disguise away. He also suspected they were on a strict time schedule, and that Master Ryu’s secretary would not allow it. Finally, after yet another hour or so, they came to a stop by a ravine. The men clambering down to splash themselves with water and relieve themselves by some trees. Ki Wan tentatively stepped out to stretch his legs.

Though he tried not to look towards his chaperone, he could feel her gaze upon him. Suddenly she moved toward him.

“Tsk! This is what comes of no mother or handmaids. Your hair is a mess. Stay still.” She then vigorously took to re-styling his hair. Once she was satisfied, she ordered him back inside the bridal palanquin and they set off once again.

~ ~ ~

“Presenting, the bridegroom!”

Ki Wan could feel himself shaking. It had been hours since he had anything to eat or drink, and the fear of getting caught was worsening by the minute.

“Presenting, the bride!” He forced his legs to move and stepped forward.

The ceremony passed in a blur, all he felt was nausea and all he could see was the endless enveloping dancing colours of his dress sleeves as he tried to stay focused on not being sick. At some point his hands were washed, he was plied with alcohol, poked and prodded by Ryu family members. The ceremony was blessedly short, considering there was no Choi family represented, many of the traditional customs were skipped.

The wedding felt very business-like and rushed, perhaps the Ryu’s themselves were all aware that this was somewhat of a sham wedding. The only person who seemed particularly enthusiastic was the mother of the bridegroom, who was buzzing around attending to important ceremonial elements and guiding Ki Wan around. At one point, she put a reassuring hand gently on Ki Wan’s back as she quietly instructed him that he needed to bow six times. He felt calmed by this small gesture, and a pang of guilt ran through him for tricking this nice old lady, who seemed so excited about getting a nice young daughter in law.

~ ~ ~

In the evening, Ki Wan found himself alone for the first time with the bridegroom. His new “husband”. What was he to do? In the intimate space of the bridal house, there was no way Ho Seon wouldn’t notice that there was something wrong with his bride. They sat in silence.

Ki Wan could hear the sounds of his own breath, his arms ached from holding them above his face for hours on end – he desperately wanted to lower them.

“밥 먹었어요? Have you eaten?” Ho Seon broke the silence. “It’s okay. You can relax. Would you like something to eat? I’m starving.” Ki Wan could hear him fiddling with the plates of food at the table, and pouring liquor. He sounded…. young. Younger than Ki Wan had assumed. So, he wasn’t too old to be considered eligible… hmmm it must have been something else. Perhaps he was hideously disfigured, or scarred? Graphic images flashed around Ki Wan’s imagination. He would have to look, eventually…

“It’s a bit strange isn’t it.” Ho Seon continued, keeping up his one-sided chatter. “Marrying someone you’ve never met.”

“Mmm,” Ki Wan agreed, giving a quiet murmur and nod of the head.

“I’m sorry this has all been so rushed. My family seemed determined that I should marry, and before I knew it they said they had found me a bride!” He took a swig of alcohol.

Ki Wan was still frozen, craving food but not wanting to let his guard down.

“I mean, not that I don’t want to marry you … I mean, I’ve never met you… it’s a bit… you know…” He poured himself another cup.

Perhaps, Ki Wan thought, if Ho Seon drank enough, he could avoid a confrontation entirely! Maybe he could lie, and tell Ho Seon in the morning that they had consummated their marriage, and that Ho Seon was simply too drunk to remember?

“Ughh. Sorry I feel like I’m making this worse. I don’t know what to say.” Another drink. “Could you… I mean… you can show me your face now – we’re alone. If you want to, I mean. You seem scared. I hope you’re not scared of me. I promise I won’t… do anything.”

Ki Wan steeled himself, and slowly lowered his arms just a fraction, so that he could see Ho Seon. Their eyes met for a moment, and Ki Wan quickly averted his gaze down again. No scars, no disfigurement, Ho Seon was the picture of health. Handsome and youthful, his warm brown eyes glimmering from the alcohol.

Another pang of guilt. Ho Seon looked so innocent. Evidently, he knew nothing of his family’s under-hand dealings, or that his bride had been bought for him. He was like an overexcited puppy, full of nervous energy. Ki Wan’s initial plan, to manipulate or swindle his new husband into either ignorance or compliance started slipping away. He felt the urge to suddenly come clean, to let everything come tumbling out.

He lowered his arms completely, and felt a wave of relief wash over him. He expected Ho Seon to suddenly jump back in fright, or exclaim “NAMJA! A MAN!” But his reveal inspired no such reaction. He looked up at Ho Seon who was gazing back at him.

“Oh.” Ho Seon sighed through a tipsy smile, “You’re beautiful.”

Ki Wan’s breath stopped in his throat. This was not what he planned. Was Ho Seon so drunk that he could not tell Ki Wan was a man? Or was Ki Wan’s disguise more convincing than he had thought it would be? Perhaps it was the bridal make-up and adornments?

Before he could properly regain his breath, or think of something to say, Ho Seon was reaching out a hand toward his face. Ki Wan wanted to swat it away, but something in the earnest look on Ho Seon’s face stopped him from moving. Ho Seon gingerly reached across the table, and his fingers softly brushed Ki Wan’s cheek, just near his ear, and only for a moment. But the touch was enough to send goose-bumps shooting down Ki Wan’s neck and arms. He must have made a noise, because Ho Seon quickly drew back his hand to the table, and poured himself another drink.

~ ~ ~

TBC (Next Parts Here}

Authors Note: Sorry this is unbeta’d atm. So this started as a bit of fun and has already gotten out of hand. As you can see I have completely re-written my own reasons for the wedding because I couldn’t stand the lack of explanation or logic in the show haha 

So far this is all just like filling the blank plot-holes of the first episode. But I’m excited to get to the cute stuff, and can’t wait to write some heavy sexual tension and mutual pining as their marriage develops.

Let me know if you guys enjoy it, and I will try to write more asap! Feel free to send prompts too if you want!

Enjoy!

[agorejessstone]

Duskwood: Into the Forest Part 8

EPISODE 1 - 10 SPOILERS

You arrive at the train station. Phil stands against a pillar; a cigarette hangs from his lips. He nods in Jake’s direction before flashing you a crooked smile. You feel Jake’s hand slip into the small of your back as you move to greet Phil.

“Change of plans.” Phil smiles wryly.

“What do you mean?” Jake says his hand hovering behind you.

“Relying on the train to get us back and forth would be a nightmare. My car is in the police impound. I decided to rent a vehicle in the meantime.” He gestures towards a small truck, the cab barely large enough for three people.

You raise an eyebrow, but Jake just shrugs. “Not a bad idea Aurora.”

“Thanks, hacker man.” Phil extinguishes his cigarette and makes his way towards the truck. He pulls the passenger door open and extends his hand towards you. “You’ll have to excuse the space. This was all they had on the weekend of the festival.”

You question his intentions but step up into the truck with Phil’s help. You notice that the vehicle has a manual transmission and roll your eyes. Phil’s hands will most certainly be close to your thighs the entire trip. As Jake joins you in the cab, he slides his backpack into the floorboard and eyes the gear shift suspiciously. Muttering something under his breath, he reaches into his bag.

“Here.” He extends a small box with a tiny key lock towards you.

                            “What is it?” You turn the box over in your hands noticing how heavy it feels.

             “A firearm.” He says as he hands you a small key ring, “You’ll be able to unlock it with this.”

             You turn the key over. Your hands shake nervously. Jake takes note of your unease and folds your fingers over the tiny metal keys. His hand lingers until the shaking subsides. He smiles softly at you.

             “Hopefully you won’t need it.” He searches your eyes for something.

             “Jake,” Your mouth is dry, “I don’t want anyone to,” the word is stuck in your throat.

             “I know.” He whispers before reaching for his seatbelt.

             The truck shakes as Phil climbs inside. As the vehicle thrums to life, you lean your head back against the seat, staring blankly at the ceiling. Jake pulls out his phone and laptop and gets to work. Phil switches on the radio, scanning through stations.

Before you know it, you’ve fallen asleep. When you awake, you can hear hushed voices. Curiosity overtakes you. You keep your eyes shut. You want to hear what they are talking about, or at least you think you do.

             “You love her, don’t you?” Phil’s voice is soft, just barely audible over the music.

             “Yes,” Jake replies as his fingers move across the keyboard.

             “I can’t say I love her, but I care about her.” Phil lights a cigarette and rolls down the window, letting the cool night air whip your hair into your face.

             “Is that so,” Jake says flatly, but his fingers slow as he speaks.

             “Yes. Richy cared for her too.” He says smugly. “She’s one of a kind. We all care about her.”

             “Yes, she is.” Jake pauses and you hear him take a deep breath, “Why are you asking?”

             “It’s not my place, but” Phil takes a drag filling the cabin with smoke, “If you’re going to leave her again, you’d better be honest with her.”

             “I don’t plan on it,” Jake says in a small voice.

             “Not planning on it, and not doing it are two completely different things.”

             You hear the laptop slam shut and it takes every ounce of control not to flinch. You want to hear what he has to say next. No, you need to hear it. You need to know that all of Jake’s words weren’t empty promises. If you make it out of Duskwood alive, you want a life, a future with Jake. If that doesn’t stand to reason, then you need to know. The sooner the better. You shift casually as if readjusting in your sleep. The cabin is still for a moment before Jake continues.

             “I don’t want to leave her again. I used to keep my distance. I thought I could protect her that way. I could have lost everything when Lilly made that video. I could have been killed.” He pauses for a moment. The anticipation burns in your chest, but you remain unmoving, “I cared more about her safety than my own. I stayed back to make Nymos so that it could protect her. I was almost caught in the process, but that’s how much I care about her. I thought my fears were unwarranted, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Now, it’s almost impossible to keep her out of it. So, what’s the point? I might as well take her with me, right?”

             You’ve never heard Jake speak so openly about his troubles. He’s never talked to anyone else about his feelings towards you. He’s never rushed through his words so frantically. You readjust your position. You intentionally place your head in the crook of his neck. You feel his hand brush your hair away from your face as he kisses your forehead gently.

             “You think that’s for the best?” Phil asks gently. “What did you do to get the attention of the government anyway?”

             Jake hesitates once more and you feel him turn away from you, “I released documents. Medical journals that were not meant to be public. Formulas, ingredients and production prices, cost inflation information.”

             “Why?”

             “My mother was diabetic. She died because she couldn’t afford her medication.”

             You swallow despite yourself. You had no idea he’d suffered so much.

             “So, you released the medical journals on the price of insulin production?”

             “Indeed.” He shifts a little under your weight, “I also released several medical journals on cancer treatments and other various things that could save lives. In doing so, I broke several laws, and upset a lot of powerful people. I’ve been on the run since.”

             “And if they catch you?” Phil flicks the last of his smoke out the window.

             “Depends on who catches me first. If it’s the government, I’d most likely be jailed. Worst case they ask me to work for them. If the guys I thwarted catch me first, who knows.” He sighs deeply.

             “We’re almost to Duskwood.” Phil says, “Better wake the princess.”

             “She’s been awake this whole time,” Jake says sweetly.

             “Wah…” You flutter your eyelids to hide your eavesdropping.

             Jake rolls his eyes, “I have trouble reading people over text. Not in person.”

             “You wanted her to hear all that?” Phil’s mouth hangs open.

             “Yes. She should know what she’s getting into.” He smiles at Phil.

             You playfully smack the back of his head, “You idiot.”

             Phil laughs as he slows the truck to a stop. You look outside and realize that you are parked in front of The Aurora. The Pine Glade Festival is the following evening, so the place is packed.

             “Thank god for good staff, right? This place would have gone under without them. Should be closing here soon. In the meantime, I managed to pull some boxes out of storage in the basement. I found them when I bought the place. They belonged to Michael Hanson.”

             “Jake…” You look at him with wide eyes, “Do you think it’s safe for Phil to be involved in all this? The police already arrested him once.”

             “That’s for him to decide.”  Jake hops out of the truck and offers you, his hand.

             You take Jake’s hand and jostle your backpack from the bed of the truck. You decide to put the handgun safely inside and the keys in your pocket.

             “I’m not in the clear just yet little lady. They’ve got to put me on trial, and if we don’t find a way to prove it was Michael, they might just fall back on the idea it was me all along.” He sighs, “Besides, it’s personal now. My sister is missing. My business is slowing, and it’s all because of that stupid raven man.”

             You chuckle slightly, “You’re starting to sound like Dan.”

             “Don’t even mention that name.” Phil balls his hands into fists, “I still can’t believe he didn’t show for his first shift, and then tried to take Jessy out on a date. If she’d been with him that night, she could have been killed by his recklessness.”

             “Phil, as stupid as Dan can be, he cares about Jessy. The only reason he did something like that was that he was stood up.” You pat him on the shoulder a few times, “Cheer up. You can punch him when we find them.” You jest.

             “Oh, I’m going to!” He flashes you a sweet smile before leading you into the basement cellar of the bar.

             A live band plays in the bar overhead. Music trickles through the vents. Boxes upon boxes of paper files and personal effects lay piled in the center of the room. In the corner, an older computer sits haphazardly on a small desk. You pass your hand over the boxes, reading the dates written in a sloppy hand.

             “These are past invoices, according to the boxes. I put them in storage because that’s all I thought they were. I didn’t bother to look, but I wanted to keep them, just in case something came up.” Phil notices you inspecting the boxes.

             “Is that your computer?” Jake moves across the room running his hand over the monitor and keyboard.

             “No. That was here when I bought the place. It’s never been touched by my hand. It’s password protected. I considered throwing it out, but I just never got around to it.”

             “I see.” Jake takes a seat in front of the computer and boots it up.

             “What are you thinking?” You find yourself moving to stand beside him, placing your hands on his shoulders.

             “I’m not sure if it’ll be of any help. Only one way to find out.” He smiles up at you, “In the meantime, why don’t you and Phil sift through the documents. I don’t want to spend too much time down here, but I haven’t found the phone’s location just yet.”

             “When will we go to the hut?” You take a seat on the dusty floor next to Phil and start lifting lids off boxes.

             “As soon as we’re finished here. We’ve got time.” Jakes’s fingers are already moving quickly.

             You sit with Phil as you work through documents until your eyes are sore. Jake has gained access to the computer but isn’t having much luck. The music overhead starts to die down, and patrons can be heard exiting the bar and making their way into the quiet streets of Duskwood. Just as you are about to give up hope, you hear Jake gasp loudly.

             “I’ve found something.”

[mashiraostail]

I've been having a lot more depressive episodes lately.(dw, im getting help) But, can i have Nemuri and Aizawa comforting a s/o who just had a depressive episode? You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable with the topic, but if you do thank you so much

Thanks for the request! I can do this for sure and I hope it helps! As someone who is also depressed I put some lil tidbits from my own struggles in here (specifically the gargantuous amount of energy turning the shower knob can take me and how that simple action has literally stopped me showering for weeks) If you’re struggling right now please remember to extend your body the same kindness you so consistently extend to other people!! Even by sitting here reading my writing you’re being so amazingly kind to me!! Project that back onto yourself and give yourself a reward, a glass of water at your favorite temperature, or even a snack if you can stomach it! It’s easy to drown ourselves in comfort content and neglect tangible acts of self love but I promise the energy will be worth it!

Nemuri: It’d been a while since Nemuri heard from you, and even longer since she’s seen you, which was rare. You didn’t drop off the face of the planet or anything but you had been evading her invitations to go out or even just to spend a night with her. She wanted to avoid showing up unannounced but it was becoming concerning. The last thing she wanted was to make you think she didn’t trust you or to startle you, but whenever she brought it up you brushed her off. She hated the idea of you being sick or even just swamped with work all alone when she was more than capable of helping you out. Eventually she just decides to show up, she texts you first but you don’t even appear to open it, she just had a bad feeling and if hero-work taught her anything it was to always trust a bad feeling.  She knocks on your front door for a while to no avail, ringing the bell intermittently, she’s just met with silence. Her key works which at least is a good sign that you didn’t pack up and move across the country or something.  “Hello??” She wanders into the apartment. It’s dark and radio silent. But there are dishes in the sink, your shoes strewn around the entryway and your bag on the table.  “You here??” You were definitely here, your car keys were on the couch and your usual walking around sneakers...or. one of them was underneath the coffee table.  She decides to check your bedroom.  “I’m gonna open the door okay?? If you aren’t decent now’s the time to say it don’t freak out at me okay?? I’m opening the door now.” She opens the door with covered eyes. “Hello?” She peeks between her fingers and is greeted with the sight of you, or the lump that is probably you, curled up underneath your duvet.  “Nemuri.” Your head pokes up overtop your pile of pillows and the fluff of your comforter.  “Well hello!” She piques, clearly relieved to see you, “good morning to you sleeping beauty, though it is 4 in the afternoon.” She pushes the door open the rest of the way and enters the room.  “What’s up?” She leans against your dresser, “where have you been?”  “Where does it look like I’ve been?” You sigh.  “What’re you a vampire or something now? Decided to go fully nocturnal?” She grins but you don’t mimic her amusement.  “What’s wrong babe? I’ve done like 4 things that you would have laughed at by now. Something’s obviously wrong. I texted you and called but you didn’t reply...are you upset with me? This isn’t how you normally act when you’re upset with me...” She wrings her hands together, “normally you come to see me all the time, I’m not saying you have to be inseparable from me or anything but...well this just isn’t like you..if I made you mad I’d rather you tell me babe since I’m clueless..”   You sigh, suddenly feeling guilty for your radio silence for the past few days and the increasing distance you’d put between the pair of you for the past week or so now. It was intentional you just shut down and you didn’t mean to but everything was a chore, even the things you loved, sometimes especially the things you loved.  “No...it’s not you.”  “Well I’m...” She looked confused, “I’m glad to hear that but I’m still kinda lost. Are you sick? Did someone else make you upset? If someone else is giving you problems you need to tell me.” Having the green light gets her to venture further into your bedroom and sit on the edge of your mattress, “I can set some people straight if that’s the problem.”  “No it’s..nobody...no one is giving me any trouble that’s not it.” You also suddenly feel sort of stupid. You don’t even know what put this on. One day you were fine and the next you were worse, and then next was worse and the next was worse than that until you ended up where you were now. In bed 5 days removed of a shower where your one meal of the day consisted of a plain bagel sometimes toasted other times not.  “No one?” She reaches out and holds the bend of your knees, “are you sure?” You nod. “Okay then...well what is it? I wanna help but you’ve gotta let me know how.”  “I just...” You scrub your face, “I just...it’s been a really bad week or..2 weeks or..however long. I don’t know. I feel so depressed and exhausted and everything is annoying and tiring and no matter how much I sleep I can’t seem to stay awake.” She takes in a breath at that and nods with it.  “Oh. OH. Well now I feel stupid pulling away so much. I just didn’t wanna be overbearing and offend you or..well...well what’s up? What set all this on? Did something happen to...to make you feel upset or?”  “I don’t know...I just think I haven’t been taking good enough care of myself. I’ve been slacking and procrastinating and then I got overwhelmed and then I got upset and now...I’m here. I just feel like such an idiot and now to think I made you think I was upset with you because I was too-”  “Don’t even finish that sentence.” Nemuri shushes you, “it’s alright. Really you don’t have to feel bad about that. I get it, I understand now so it’s okay. I’m sorry for making it about me.” Her hand moves up to squeeze your thigh.  “I wanna do everything I can to help okay? Whatever I can do to help you come out on top with this thing...” Her other hand squeezes your lower arm, “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me with this sort of thing okay? We don’t have to get into the...deep emotional part of it if you don’t wanna talk about that with me. But we can start small can’t we? When’s the last time you had something to drink?” She looks at the empty glasses on your bedside table. “And when’s the last time you ate or took a shower?”  The face you make at that tells her more than enough.  “Okay you don’t have to answer that.” She reaches out tuck your hair back but you flinch away from it, the last thing she need to feel was your dirty hair.  “Come on with that.” She sighs, “I don’t think you’re gross. I’m not grossed out at all okay? I promise. I’ve had my fair share of shower protests. It’s in the job description, no ones perfect. I love you, smelly or not. Now hold still and let me give you a kiss.”  You relent at that. She presses a long kiss to your temple, sighing into your skin, “I’m sorry you feel this way. I don’t wan you to feel this way ever..so let’s start small.. How about a nice bath, yeah? I’ll set one up for you you can soak in it for a bit, while you do that I’ll clean up around here, change your sheets and...work on that.. situation.. in the sink, then when you’re ready I’ll come wash your hair for you. After that you can relax in the bath a little more, shave if that’s something that will make you feel good, or I could put some conditioner in your hair. Or you can just sit in a nice warm bath with a cold bottle of water and get your energy back up. I’ll get you some real food in the mean time.”  She doesn’t poke or prod for information, she washes your hair with the same care and consideration that went into most of the things she did, she didn’t ask to join you, or to stay. She asked if you wanted to be alone for a little bit longer and left you to it when you confessed that you did only poking in to leave ‘the comfiest looking pajamas I could find’ for when you were done cleaning up. You manage to get yourself up and out of the bath without having to call for the help or extra motivation to do it. She only looks delighted to see you.   “How’d the bath go? Did I use enough bubbles?”  “It was nice..I didn’t realize how..far gone I was..I feel better..” You rub your arm, if she’s at all perturbed by your confession it’s not detectable.  “Yeah?? I had a feeling it would help. Now come here. I really want a hug.” She pats the empty bed beside her and you make your way over.  “Good, there you are.” She wraps her arms around you and sighs, “I missed you.” She tucks you easily into her chest, her free hand scratching the nape of your neck, “don’t apologize for that.” She stops you before you can talk.  “I ordered some food from that place you like. I wanted to make something so you could get some food in you a little faster but...you’re running a little low on raw materials.” She combs her fingers through your wet hair, “it’s okay though having your favorite might make you feel a little better.”  “Yeah..thanks for being here.” You close your eyes, still exhausted but your chest felt lighter, your whole body felt lighter.  “Of course. I only wish I came sooner but...” She pulls back and looks at you, holding the base of your skull in her hands, “I get wanting to be alone sometimes. Needing space to get your feet on the ground is normal but...don’t be afraid to ask for my help either. If there ever is a time that you want me here, need me here even...I want to be here. I know I can rely on you so I hope you know you can rely on me too.” She presses a long kiss to your forehead at that.  “I think I’ll feel a lot better tomorrow.” Your voice is quiet and your fingers brush against her collarbone. “That’s good.” Her palm pulls your hair off your forehead, “in the meantime I’ll be here to help you get there.” 

Aizawa:  Aizawa was an introvert himself. He liked being around other people at times of course but sometimes he just needed a quiet room to recharge. He figured you did too, and plus you were both plenty busy. For the most part he trusted your judgement and tended to not be very insecure when it came to how much time you spent together. He liked being around you, and would rather be with you than not for the most part but he understood probably better than anyone what exhaustion can do to a person. If you were tired then you could recharge. That being said he wouldn’t avoid you if he saw you out and about, and he saw you out and about.  It was actually late for you to be out, late for anyone to be out really. You were leaving a convince store and he was getting ready to call it a night with patrolling.  “Hey.” The way you jump out of your skin at his voice tells him he maybe should have approached you with noisier steps.  “Sorry.”  “It’s okay.” You clutch the bag you were holding, “I just thought I was getting mugged is all.”  “You think there are criminals running around when I’m out here? I don’t know if I should be insulted.” He teases a little and you jump.  “That isn’t how I meant-”  “I know.” He chuckles, “I know. What are you doing out so late? It’s almost midnight.”  “I...had to get some stuff.. You bounce nervously on the balls of your feet, the last thing you needed was him seeing you like this. It was the first time you’d gone out in like 2 weeks, you were sure you looked as terrible as you felt.  “You don’t look very happy to see me.” Ever intuitive. You supposed you didn’t keep it much of a secret, the first thing you did whenever you saw him was reach out for him, his hand, his arm, his waist, you just wanted to touch. Or normally you did, but now all you wanted to do was get away.  “I’m just...exhausted. Sorry I am happy to see you. I’m always happy to see you.” You rub your eyes, “like you said, it’s late.”  “It is late.” He agrees, “I’m finished here.”  “O-oh that’s good..are you hurt at all?”  “No, slow night...but.. why don’t we spend the night together? Since we’re both here.”  He didn’t need to see the state of your apartment.  “U-uh okay yeah we can go to yours..” “You’re closer.” He raises his eyebrows, letting his goggles fall around his neck, “and you just bought stuff. I’m assuming it’s for your apartment not mine.” He peeks into the bag, “I don’t remember sending you a midnight shopping list.”  “W-well yeah but there’s school tomorrow and you’re closer so it’s probably easier for you and-”  “You’re an extra five minutes out.” He laughs at that, “and unless you trashed all my things in the week I went without seeing you I have plenty of stuff to wear at your place.”  “Y-yeah I mean..that is true.”  He raises one eyebrow at you, “so?” You couldn’t think of a good reason to say no, the mountain of dishes in your sink, the full washer and dryer and 2 baskets of unfolded laundry didn’t seem like an excuse, especially considering it was knowledge you wanted to withhold from him in the first place.  “Y-yeah sure..it has been a while.”  “Alright, let’s go then.” He reaches out and takes your bags from you batting your hand away as you try to stop him.  “You’ve been working-”  “I got it. It’s fine come on. You really shouldn’t be out so late by yourself you know.”  “You’re probably right..” You murmur, making to follow him down the road.  He doesn’t pry about your jittery state, he asks a few question about how your day went and seems to back down even more when you take a hold of his arm on your walk.  “It really is slow tonight.” He looks around, “at least you picked a good night for a midnight excursion.” He nudges you a little playfully and you hum.  You wanted to be more engaging but every step brought you closer to the impending doom that would be Shota seeing the abysmal state in which you were living.  Once you get to the front door you realized you didn’t have your keys.  “I...” You look at your shoes and he leans against the wall.  “What’s up?”  “I don’t have my keys..”  “You really are lucky you ran into me.” He straightens up and shifts the bags to one arm to fish around in his pocket, “I’ve got one. Are you feeling alright?” You don’t reply because...well he’d figure it out.  “Please don’t say anything rude.” You warble mostly to yourself as the lock clicks, he pushes the door open. “What do you mean don’t say anything rude, why would I-” He clicks the light on as he steps inside. Oh it’s worse than you remembered. How’d your laundry get to the couch? And why did you get a new glass every time you wanted water? Especially when you didn't drink it half the time. Everything is clearer in hindsight.  “Oh.” He sets the bags down on the coffee table, which is really the only clear surface in a 10 foot radius of him.  “I’m sorry.” You groan, slumping into the wall and scrubbing your face, “I’m so gross-”  “I didn’t say that...But let me ask again.”  He turns to you, “are you feeling alright?”  “Not really no..” You look down again and he starts to pick up some of the glasses.  “The sink isn’t any better..” You warn him, hugging your chest.  “Yeah I figured.” He turns to you, arms full of various aspects of your mess. “Don’t look so guilty. Come on.” He nods you towards your kitchen, you figure the least you can do is pick up a few spoons, bowls and glasses on your way in.  “You don’t have to clean up after my stupid mess I-”  “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” He shakes his head, “you don’t feel good. I wish you’d said something sooner. I would have come when you asked.”  “Don’t feel bad.” You murmur, “I wasn’t ready anyways.”  “Come here.” He holds an arm out and you cringe, “I probably smell terrible I haven’t-”  “It’s okay. It’s all okay. I’m not holding any of this against you, no one is. Come on. Over here.” So you shuffle into his chest, eventually wrapping tired arms around his ribs.  “Does this help?” He’s rubbing long strokes up your back, his palm his firm against you every stroke pushing you a little closer. You just nod into his chest.  “Did something happen? Did someone upset you? Or are you just having a hard time right now?”  “I’m just having a hard time.” You reply, trying not to let your voice sound to wet or warbly. “Cry if you want to. If you need to. It’s okay. I won’t hold that against you either. Sometimes the best thing you can do is cry. I’ll be here for you while you do.” It’s not loud hiccup-y sobs, you aren’t bawling and sniffling. It sounds just as tired as the rest of you, it’s listless and exhausted and downright empty. It honestly hurt him to hear it a little. He’s been there too.  One hand holds the back of your head the other keeps running those lines up your back pressing between your shoulder blades.  “What do you think about taking a shower?” His fingers glide along the hem of your tee shirt, grazing your neck lightly. “It’s not that I don’t want to-”  “I know. Hey, I know.” He pulls you away and slicks your hair back, “but you’re neglecting your body right now. Even if you don’t mean to. Your skin and hair will be really thankful for a shower right now. How can I help you get there?”  He takes you to the bathroom and carefully undresses you going as far to turn the shower nob for you.  “Sit if you need to.” He reminds you, gathering your clothes off the ground, “I’m going to leave the door open so call me if there’s anything you can’t do, but I’ll come check on you in 10 minutes okay? Is there anything you don’t want me touching or cleaning without you? Is there anything that’s off limits?”  “No...it’s okay...I just feel bad you’ve been working and now-”  “Don’t feel bad. I’m not doing anything that you wouldn’t do for me. Take your shower, I’ll come back in a few minutes after I fold up the laundry out here. Try to stay focused.”  “Thank you.” You nod and squeezes your shoulder.  “You’re welcome. And thank you for trusting me.”  He helps you out of the shower and wraps you in a towel. In the time you’d spent in the shower he’d gotten most of your dishes into the dish washer and you could see your couch again.  “New sheets.” He kisses your temple, “you ready to go to sleep?”  You nod as he tosses a tee shirt to you.  “Tomorrow morning you’re gonna eat a good breakfast with me right?”  “I don’t really have much to cook with-” “We’ll make it work.” He leans back against the pillows, “don’t worry about it now. Right now just focus on getting some sleep, real genuinely restful sleep. Wake me up if you need me.” 

[accio-victuuri]

2019 BJYX Timeline : Golden Hour Part I

You make me think of empty spaces begging to be filled. Of spacious streets, waiting be marred by tire tracks. The void ——The endless wait for something to happen.

Hello. We are now into 2019. This part is definitely more mellow than what happens in the second half of the timeline. Hence, finishing it faster than I thought I would. _へ__(‾◡◝ )>

JANUARY 2019

01012019 : Web is welcomed to Yamaha Team as a Racer. 

Web’s Post :  happy New Year to all! !! !! !! !! The racing career has begun! !! !! !!  Please call me driver Wang Yibo! !! !! !! ～～～～～

Yamaha Team’s Post:  Welcome @ UNIQ- 王一博 Formally join the 万里 达 Yamaha team Super Words Become a MLT YAMAHA contract driver, start his career, in the future Wang Yi Bo Super words will drive Yamaha YZF-R3 cars, representing the team for the 2019 season. Come on! TRACER-85!

01082019 : GG for Grazia 

01022019: Web CF making

01082020 : Lin Hai (composer of Wuji) posted on Weibo a picture of peppa pig dolls version of LWJ and WWX saying -  Xian Xian Pig and Ji Ji Pig caught the cold one after the other because they were surreptitiously kissing. CPN is that fans of Web noticed he was sick early in January and on his weibo post below, GG admitted to having the flu as well. 

01052019: On set of Gank Your Heart

01142019: Web CF with Skittles

01132019 : GG posts first selfie of the year ; He explains that he has a flu.

01172019: FIRE audio single released

Now you're mine, you and I, We should be heading away See the fire in my eyes The feels making me crazed And girl you got me so deep Let's write a story You should get to know me

01182019 :Web posts as selfie 

Selfie for you

01182019: GG posts a selfie too 

 01242019: Web x Shu Uemura CF

01262019 : Web x Home Facial Pro CF

01292019: Web interview with Hunan TV Spring Festival

This is where he said he really cannot say if he is in a relationship to the media. Oh the savagery! 

FEBRUARY 2019

022019: GG shooting Olay short AD  - Two sides of GG! 

02032019: Web preparing for Chinese New Year

02032019 :  GG posts a selfie and picture with jiangou

02052019: GG posts a message to his fans “Everything in 2018 felt like a dream to me, in the dream I gave it everything I had! There were a lot of new faces, exciting things and constant obstacles that I crossed in the dream! And you guys who are right next to me!” 

02082019: Wang Yibo x Elle

02112019: Web x Shu Uemura CF

02122019 : GG selfie!

02132019: Web x Elle and Chanel coco crush rings

02142018: How to make a Pineapple boat

02142019: Web weibo post on valentines day, showing off his moto. 

Forcibly spend Valentine's Day with me love beans! ❤️ you have a happy holiday Oh ~ ~ ~

02172019: GG selfie! 

02212019: Web x new one studio

02242019: Web x Home Facial Pro

MARCH 2019

03012019: Web - How to ride a motorcycle

03052019 : GG selfie with the love of his life = junkfood.

03092019: GG pouty selfie again

03112019: Web - How I prepare for a game

03112019 - GG X BElla E-magazine 

03122019 : GG X Fashionable Photoshoot 

03132019: Web releases a new single - LUCKY

If you're lucky We can lay up in the bed If you're lucky We can just go ditch the rest If you're lucky I can take you down If you're lucky you can wear the crown If you're lucky We can lay up in the bed

03152019: GG message to fans “I’m so fortunate to be an actor, I can have different experiences in my limited lifespan, each eliciting emotions of joy, anger, sadness, and happiness within me at all times.” 

03222019: Web x VogueMe

03222019 : Web posts on Weibo as he visits Rome 

03282019: They recorded Wuji together. 13!!! 

There is a whole CPN story with this recording. Aside from the fact that they look so happy recording it and the forever-question of “did they hold hands?” ; there is still more. Web was coming from Rome and rumor is he had to cancel and re schedule work to be with GG physically in the recording. Also, GG was photographed in the airport before this and fans were saying he looked really good. 

03292019: Web x YOUNGCHIC photoshoot in Tokyo

03302019 : Web message to Olay

03312019: Web x Olay CF

032019: GG posted this art, for his fans as his activities keep on getting cancelled.

APRIL 2019

042019: GG shoot for Cosmo 

04052019: Web x Bape and Formula 1

04052019: Web x FHM

04152019: Web x Shu Uemura

04152019 : GG selfie

04192019: Web attends VogueMe cool people event

04222019: Web x bazaar men

04252019: Web x Shu Uemura CF

04262019 : Web attends 10th China directors guild awards

MAY 2019

05012019: GG posts a message to fans “Don’t ruin your present, over a past filled with regret, and a future with only uncertainty! Please live in each present day, brightly! You deserve to live like this!” 

05052019: Web interview in Chanel exhibition

05022019 : Web posted himself racing / practice 

Today ’s results are quite happy ~ The photos are fine! (Xiang Xianghui will take photos from the curve!)

05032019 : Web participates in the GPGP race but was unable to do the final race due to  technical issues with his motorcycle. He had to push his moto to the end and very heartbreaking. 

Web posted on Weibo : Translation here

05052019 : Web posts on Weibo 

See you at the next stop! 🔥🔥🔥 @ Wan里达雅马哈team

05062019: Web x Chanel CF

05072019: Web celebrity reading

05072019: Web x Shu Uemura event

05082019: Web x Wei Quan Yogurt

05092019: Web x Ellemen fresh

05092019: GG selfie

05202019: Chinese valentines Day GG post where his fingers form 5/2/0. His top is similar to one Web owns. 

05212019: GG X tencent VIP commercial 

05222019: GG instagram post

“Don’t look back. Forever! ”

05242019: Web x Ok interview

05252019: Web x Shu Uemura x Maison Kitsune CF

05292019: Web x Size magazine

05252019: Web x Laneige CF

05262019 : Release of that TTXS episode where Web was in a blind date but he is just too savage. After drinking and talking a little, he says “Can I go now?” 

 05312019: Release of single for drama Gank Your Heart

052019 : At this time , GG was already taking some legal actions against Wajijiwa. There is a more comprehensive explanation of this drama here. 

JUNE 2019

Important BJYX events in this month was already discussed here.

06012019 : GG posts for Children’s day 

06012019 - GG X Olay 

*** Note 01: I hope I can keep up with this momentum. I am trying to include stuff that are more important to the CPN side of things. But I’m DOING MY BEST (ง •̀_•́)ง  to add everything I could. Everything, meaning their weibo posts /selfies / some quirky things that happened. These two boys are very lovely so I really want to highlight them individually too.

*** Note 02 : The second half of this timeline is very intimidating to even begin but there are a lot of resources-- so hopefully, Part 2 will be out sooner than later.  ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

[typewrittenluck]

Sorry General

AN: Okay hehe this is my first time ever posting a fic so be nice :/. It’s basically just self-indulgent Obi-Wan angst-fluff because I miss him and I’m excited for the new show. This takes place during The Clone Wars, Season 2, Episode 10. But you don’t have to watch it to understand what’s going on. Anyways enjoy!

Word Count: 2130

Warnings: None, Anakin being a lil’ shit

(gif creds to owner)

General Grievous had escaped yet again. It seemed as if every time the Jedi came close to capturing the sleaze ball, he would slip right through your hands. You could sense the tension in the air as everyone onboard the landing craft shared your anxiety, which increased your frustration by every person that you could feel through the force. It of course didn’t help that you were sent down to capture Grievous with none other than Obi-Wan Kenobi, who always had a knack for making you agitated.

As soon as the ship's doors opened, you began to take long strides out, already beginning to scope out the area and make mental notes of factors that might be influential to your mission.

At General Kenobi’s command, you and the troops began to move towards the wreckage of Grievous’s ship in hopes of finding something that would lead you to the General himself. 

After scouting out the ship, Rex determined that the General couldn’t have been far off.

“We’ll split into teams. Rex, take Jesse, Hardcase, Kix, and Y/N and search those wetlands.” Obi-Wan said, gesturing vaguely in your direction.

“Actually, Kenobi,” you spat, “Seeing as I am a General, and therefore rank above Captian Rex, I will lead the troops to conduct a search of the wetlands.”

“Oh, right, of course General Y/N. I wouldn’t want to undermine your notable past with leading battalions and strategy missions.” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Why I ought to-”

“Excuse me, Generals, if I may,” Rex stepped in between you two. “we really shouldn’t get distracted from the situation at hand.”

“Yes, of course Captain.” you replied, still glaring at Obi-Wan. “We should get going”

“Right. Cody, you, Crys, and I will pick it up from here.” said Obi-Wan. “Oh, and one more thing,” he said, turning to face you. “If you get a visual on General Grievous, for the love of the force Master Y/N, make contact before you make any rash decisions to engage.”

“From the two of us, Master Kenobi,” you replied, “It is not I who have a track record of making rash decisions.”

Once you were out of earshot, Cody spoke up. “Forgive me General, but you seem worried. I’m sure that General Y/N and Rex are capable of handling this. They are both very wise individuals.”

Obi-Wan stroked his beard, apparently deep in thought. “Yes. Wise indeed.”

                                                  -----------------------

You felt a tug on the force and turned around just in time to see Rex get shot by a Commando droid. 

“REX!” you screamed, as you and the clones rushed over to him.

Jesse and Hardcase finished off the last few droids before joining the small crowd gathering around Rex. It was deemed that the safest plan was to find shelter for the night, so that Rex could heal.

You and the clones made sure that Rex was as comfortable as possible and well-taken care of in the barn that you had secured a place in before you hopped on your speeders and continued your search of the wetlands. 

“General, if it’s not too personal to ask, why do you and General Kenobi seem to fight about everything?” Jesse piped up after a little while.

“That is an extremely inappropriate question to ask your commanding officer soldier.” you snapped back.

“Right. Sorry.”

But it was too late. The question opened the floodgates that you worked so hard to keep closed. The overpowering emotions that you trapped behind a wall came rushing out and now, that was all that you could think about.

The constant questions. Why did Obi-Wan hate you? Why did he feel like you were inferior? Why is he so adamant that you shouldn’t be in charge of battles?

The constant anxiety. What if it’s a reflection of what the council thinks of me? What if everyone else feels that way too and they are just better at hiding it? What if I pass on my incompetence to my Padawan?

And above all, the crippling guilt. You were guilty because you felt responsible for him not liking you. You felt guilty because you broke the code. You felt guilty. Because you loved Obi-Wan Kenobi.

                                           ---------------------------------

Obi-Wan had been a Padawan for a mere two weeks, when a young girl from Dantooine had opened the doors to the Jedi temple, leading the way for an amused group of older Jedi. She had begun her training not long thereafter. On her first day, she walked into the training room and looked around, scoping out the area to decide where she would be comfortable. To Obi-Wan’s surprise, she picked a spot next to him. 

Since that fateful day, their friendship blossomed, mainly due to the fact that their masters, Qui Gon Jinn and Ki-Adi-Mundi, were good friends. Obi-Wan and Y/N became very close. Closer, in fact, than any member of the Jedi order should become to another lifeform. But it was inevitable. The two were so alike and their personalities clashed together perfectly, as if the force had made it so that the two would meet. All of the older Jedi sensed the rising emotions in the two young apprentices, and they felt the need to take preventative measures. So when a mission with an indefinite length popped up on the faraway land of Mandalore, the council saw it as the best opportunity to give the two a break from each other. They sent Obi-Wan on a year long trip to ensure the safety of Mandalores sovereign ruler, Satine Kryze.

Y/N spent her time away from her best friend meditating on her emotions, and came to the conclusion that she had fallen for him. It was against the code. It was against her plan. But she had fallen, and fallen hard.

Obi-Wan ended up with a similar conclusion, after realizing that his emotions towards Satine were anything but new feelings, and he had experienced those same emotions a hundred times stronger towards Y/N.

The problem was that the two apprentices dealt with their feelings in completely different ways. Y/N became awkward and always on edge, and Obi-Wan saw it best to cut her out of his life as much as possible.

Which led them to where they were now. Grown members of the Jedi order who were still harboring childhood crushes on each other, buried deep, deep down.

                                      --------------------------------------------

You were cut out of your train of thought by Obi-Wans voice.

 “Captain Rex, come in please.”

“This is Y/N, Rex was injured.” you replied, still a little dazed by your sudden surge of emotion.

“What’s his condition?”

“He’ll be fine, but we had to find him shelter for the night.”

“Grievous is on the move. We’re headed to the West.” said Obi-Wan. “Swing around and we can meet up at the final escape pod. We’re going to need all of the firepower that we can muster.”

“Alright, we’re on our way.” you said, sharply turning your speeder around as the clones did the same.

                                       --------------------------------------------

You arrived at Obi-Wans position just as you saw a ship attempting to land. You ran into the fray of flying bullets and disembodied droid limbs, jabbing and parrying with your lightsaber to get to Obi-Wan.

“Concentrate your fire on that ship!” he roared to the tanks.

He got distracted by his wrist-com and didn't see a laser ray coming straight at the back of his neck. 

“Keep firing. Don't let that ship land.” he said, as you jumped behind him, drawing your lightsaber to deflect the bullet. He seemed shocked by your sudden appearance.

“I believe a thank you, Master Y/N, is in order.” you dead-panned.

He rolled his eyes, but mumbled an unintelligible thanks.

“The guns are overheated!” you heard a clone say from his wrist-com.

“It’s always something.” Obi-Wan grumbled in response. “Cody, Jesse, cover me!”

“Wait!” you exclaimed after him. “Where are you- oh nevermind.” you sighed as you saw him speed towards Grievous. You sprinted after him, knowing that he would need help.

He began fighting the foul droid General, their battle just a blur of blue and green light.

Just as you arrived at the fight, Grievous was climbing up the side of the ship. “Forget trying to land.” he growled in his raspy voice. You, however, were preoccupied with Obi-Wan who was knocked to the side. He groaned as you knelt by him, reaching feebly behind you as you heard Grievous say “Fire the engines.”

He was lifted into the night sky, narrowly dodging clone bullets as he laughed maniacally. “Jedi scum!”

“Are you alright?” you asked him.

“No.” he sighed in frustration. “We’re right back where we started!”

He called back to Cody. “Call the cruisers, see if they can stop that ship! And tell them to send someone to pick us up.”

You sensed his frustration and heard the defeat in his voice.

“Obi-Wan,” you started tentatively.

“What?” he snapped, his anger evident.

“I know it seems like a total failure-”

“Oh but it is!” he cut you off with contempt. “I’ve lost countless troops, just trying to capture Grievous, and now he’s right there. And I let him slip right past my fin-”

“No!” you cut him off this time. “This kind of talk is what leads to anger. You and I both know that anger leads you down the path of the dark side. This isn’t your fault Obi-Wan.”

Calling him by his first name is what, over all the other things, seemed to get through his head. “You don’t,” he stopped, looking into your eyes. “Blame me?”

And in that moment, standing in an empty battlefield in the middle of Saleucami, you both knew that he was talking about much more than this lost battle.

“You’ve done all that you can do. You did what you thought was right.” you replied.

He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Cody, saying that the transport had arrived to take you all back to the main ship. You two held eye contact for a brief moment before turning and heading in the direction that Cody had gone.

                                        ----------------------------------

You stood in the bridge, looking out of the enormous window with Admiral Yularen right beside you. A droid came up behind you two and tapped you on the shoulder.

“Jedi Master Y/N, Jedi Master Obi-Wan requests your presence.”

“How is he?” you asked.

“He is doing well! He has sustained only minor injuries and will heal very soon!” the droid replied chirpily.

“That’s a relief. Where does he want me to meet him?”

“His private quarters, I believe.”

“Top secret Jedi business, I presume.” chuckled Yularen as you blushed a bright red. You had a sneaking suspicion that this had nothing to do with the Jedi order.

                                     -----------------------------------

“Y/N.” He greeted you, bowing his head and using the force to close the door behind you.

“Obi-Wan.”

“I’m sorry.” he blurted, taking you a little by surprise by his bluntness. “I know that I confused you and I make you feel unwanted at times and I am the reason our friendship was ruined and I promise I have an explanation which is no excuse but you deserve to know why I-” he stopped rambling when he saw your raised eyebrows and caught himself. 

He took a deep breath before beginning again.

“I had a lot of time to think when I was on Mandalore. But I kept thinking about the same thing. You. I couldn’t stop. And it was all that got me through each day, the thought of your face, and your smile, and your laugh. But that’s against the code. And the only way that I could get over you was to cut you off. But it didn’t work because by the stars and the planets Y/N, I love you. I care deeply for Jedi traditions and maintaining the code, but I love you Y/N. I’m sorry.”

“Oh Obi,” you sighed, stepping closer to him. “I realized it same as you. We have been drawn to each other since we met. It’s almost as if the force wanted us to be. And every day since that day that you left for Mandalore, I have looked at the sunrise, hoping that one day, it will bring light to what we once had.” You placed your hand on his scruffy cheek and stroked his jaw as he leaned into your touch. “I love you too.”

He pulled you into a hug, burying his face into your hair as you wrapped your arms tightly around his waist.

“Master- Oh! Sorry!” Anakin walked in, making you and Obi-Wan leap to opposite sides of the room, both of you burning a bright crimson color. Anakin’s eyes darted between the two of you, a smirk growing on his face. 

“Not a word, Anakin.” Obi-Wan said sternly, already having an idea of the things that he knew that his former Padawan would say.

AN Again: I just really want a hug from this man 

[hellowkatey]

Febuwhump Day 21

Prompt: time travel (alternate 7)

Warnings: brief description of minor PTSD episode

Read on AO3! (this one is long so I didn’t spend as much time on reformatting when copying it here) 

Not Much Has Changed, Except for Everything

Anakin is angry. He knows he isn't supposed to be angry because "anger leads to the dark side" and whatnot, but he can't help that he is seething. He should head straight into a meditation room and deal with his anger the way he is trained. Or even lock himself in a training sala and work out his emotions constructively.

Instead, he barges through the door of his apartment, and when his master isn't in the living room or kitchen he barges into his bedroom.

Obi-Wan sits on the bed in a lotus position, a datapad balanced on his knee and a cup of tea in the other hand. He looks up with a raised eyebrow like he expected him to end up here eventually.

"Hello, padawan... what--"

"Don't," Anakin says sharply, so worked up he's bobbing back and forth on the balls of his feet. "You recommended passing me over for trials again."

Obi-Wan's shoulders drop and he rests the mug on his thigh. "Anakin we have talked about--"

"You know I'm ready! I have the highest marks in combat and control of the Force. I even got my grades up in philosophy. How could you do this to me?"

Obi-Wan doesn't answer him a moment, just does the endlessly annoying thing where he ever so carefully and calmly puts away whatever he was doing to give him his full attention. And to make sure I don't throw his hot tea across the room... again.

"Are you going to let me speak a full sentence, or are you just here to yell at me?" Anakin crosses his arms over his chest. It's enough of a response. The Jedi knight sighs. "Anakin, we've talked about this. You are a fine senior padawan and very close to being ready for your trials but as you are very relevantly demonstrating, you still have some work to do on managing your emotions."

"I'm only mad because you went behind my back!"

"Went behind-- " he shakes his head. "I never told you I was going to recommend you for your trials this cycle, I only said you were getting close, and the council agreed with my assessment."

The idea of his master and the council discussing him and how unready he is for the knight trials only pours salt in the wound.

"I basically command my own battalion like a Jedi general at this point. I have done everything you say, and you still treat me like I'm a kid."

"Need I remind you that if you were knighted at your current age, you would be one of the youngest human Jedi knights?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

"I don't mean--I am just saying, you talk as though I'm holding you back from your peers when many of your age-mates are years from being considered for knighthood."

"I don't care about my age-mates?" Anakin huffs.

"You just need more time to mature--" Anakin rolls his eyes. He's heard this exact lecture a billion times from Obi-Wan.

"More time to mature. Much more to learn. Master, just because I don't have a lightsaber up my ass and recite the Jedi Code in my sleep, doesn't mean I'm not ready!"

"Anakin," Obi-Wan's calm demeanor turns colder. A warning tone.

"Where did being the perfect padawan get you anyway? Qui-Gon didn't even try to knight you until you were what, twenty-five?"

"Anakin--"

"And you didn't even do the trials, it was basically just a pity--"

"Enough," Obi-Wan stands from the bed, his tone severe. Immediate regret trickles in at the sight of Obi-Wan's intense stare. He's gone too far. "You're lashing out and certainly not acting like a Jedi Knight. This is not me asking you to be perfect this is me asking you to be reasonable. Think about it in any other way besides The Galaxy vs. Anakin and you'll see you are acting like the child you so desperately don't want to be!"

Anakin doesn't quite know where to go from here because usually Obi-Wan sits there and lets him go on until he runs out of steam or makes a fool of himself. But this time... Anakin has never seen him snap into action and actually fire back so hard. He didn't want to hurt his feelings he was... just frustrated.

"Obi-Wan I--"

"Anakin can we talk about this tomorrow?" he massages his temple with his pointer finger. "My headache is becoming a migraine and you have some meditating to do."

He sighs. Not really wanting to leave things that way, but when Obi-Wan gets his migraines there isn't much talking that can actually happen. He walks over to his dresser and grabs a pill bottle.

"Yeah, Master. Tomorrow." he places the pill bottle in his hand and leaves the bedroom. The door closes behind him.

Obi-Wan probably thinks he's going to bed, but he isn't. Instead, Anakin leaves, taking deep breaths as he walks through the halls of the Temple. The Force is especially pungent today. It feels like he's wading through a foggy bog with all the negative emotions he's stirred up, and meditating in his room isn't going to resolve that. So he heads to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. It's a weird time-- the younglings should be at dinner, it's evening briefings for the knights and padawans out on a campaign, and the council is usually in session, leaving the massive fountain room basically empty.

He climbs a few levels up, already feeling better with the mist of the waterfalls against his skin and the activity of climbing. His favorite place is a little nook on the fourth level where an upper fall cascades beside it. The constant water noise is soothing-- something he never thought he'd ever hear when he was a kid. If he's going to do the old-fashioned meditation, it's going to be here. Anakin settles down on the rocks, breathing in slowly and letting the Force saturate around him. With how pushy it's been acting, there's no surprise he's pulled into a good, deep meditation quickly.

Anakin awakes lying on the ground. He doesn't remember falling asleep, but meditation is pretty boring so it's not uncommon for him. He groans, letting his eyes adjust to the light streaming in from the window-- he must have slept here all night... whoops. Hopefully, it's still early or else Obi-Wan will have a whole other reason to be mad at him.

But strangely, when his eyes adjust he realizes he isn't in the Room of a Thousand Fountains anymore. He's laying in the middle of the hallway that leads to the council chambers.

Did someone carry me down or... No that would be difficult and I would have woken up. Maybe I sleepwalked? Anakin has never done that but he supposes there's a first time for everything. He straightens out his wrinkled robes and tries to fix a few parts of his braid that are trying to unravel.

Voices approach. He looks down the hall to see a tall master walking with long strides. Beside him, a little boy trails slightly behind and to the side-- the padawan position. But this boy doesn't look like much of a padawan. His hair is long, unevenly cut and falling into his eyes and down to his collar. If he has a braid, Anakin can't see it. While he wears some Jedi robes, they're mixed with pieces of civilian clothing. A blue undershirt paired with a the standard-issue outer robe and black pants with mismatched patches on both knees. And he's tiny-- concerningly skinny from the way his robe is hanging off of him. The boy's bright eyes snap to him as he stares, and Anakin adverts his eyes from the strange kid.

"Excuse me, padawan," the master says, brushing past him, and Anakin's entire body freezes. The voice is familiar, one he would never forget. He'd been so busy trying to figure out what the heck is going on with the padawan's wardrobe that he didn't get a good luck at the Jedi Master's face. Anakin whirls around.

"Master Jinn?"

The master stops, and turns around, his eyebrow raised. "Yes?" He blinks. This isn't possible. Qui-Gon is dead. Has been for a decade. Qui-Gon steps forward, cocking his head to the side. "Are you well? You've gone pale."

"Yes," Anakin chokes. "Yes, I'm... I'm fine. Just... uh, have you seen Master Windu?"

His brown eyes scan over Anakin critically. "In a council meeting. They should be done soon."

He can't stop staring at the dead master. He looks younger than Anakin remembers. Grays are only beginning to invade his sideburns, and there are far fewer wrinkles in the corners of his eyes and across his forehead. This must be a dream... a really vivid dream... but how could Anakin possibly dream about Qui-Gon if he never knew him at this age?

The realization dawns on him. He looks down at the shaggy padawan. Bright blue eyes shine back, silently watching Anakin's awkward encounter. A blank stare that Anakin would recognize anywhere. "Obi-Wan?" he blurts out.

Now the kid looks alarmed. He can't be older than twelve or thirteen. "Uh, yes..."

"Manners, Obi-Wan. Senior padawans are to be respected, too." Qui-Gon corrects, and the padawan's eyes widen, and then he bows. Master Jinn turns his attention back to Anakin, still looking at him funny. "Where is your master? And what is your name, I'm sorry, I thought I knew most of the senior padawans."

"I, uh, my name is Ani. My master is a shadow, so I'm... gone a lot."

It's a threadbare excuse that any reasonable Master would as follow-up questions to, but Qui-Gon seems to be in too much of a hurry to go through the trouble. He just nods. "Right. Nice to meet you, Padawan Ani, but we must be going. Master Windu should be done momentarily, though, if you wait outside the council chambers.

"Thank you, Master," Anakin replies, bowing. He still can't believe he's really talking to Master Jinn again... and padawan Obi-Wan? This just makes it even weirder. Why is he dressed like that? And how did Anakin get here? When even is here?

It has to be some trick of the Force. There really isn't another explanation. For some reason, it has sent him back in time, and he has a feeling it has something to do with Obi-Wan.

The pair turn and continue on in the direction they were before. He watches them go, Obi-Wan trailing with his head staring at the ground.

"As I was saying, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon says in a low voice, but the acoustics of the vaulted hallways make it sound as though he's talking directly to Anakin. "The council may have accepted you back on probationary status, but I am not yet ready to accept you again as my student. Do you understand this?"

Anakin's brows crease in confusion. The Force must have sent him back in time and to another dimension! If he heard Master Jinn right then... Anakin needs to talk to little Obi-Wan and find out what's going on.

It's harder to track down the kid than he thought it would be. He passes the time by taking a quick lap around the Temple to check out what else is different in this new time-- he figures out it's about two or three years before he's actually born, which is weird. Not much has really changed besides the Temple being much fuller. Like when he first was brought here. His first stop is the Archives, which surprisingly doesn't contain Tiny-Wan. He passes by the mess, the padawan training sala-- nothing. Then he gets an idea.

He strolls into the initiate training sala and smiles. Obi-Wan is on the other side of the room, his back to the door and a training saber in hand. He goes through the Form I katas slowly and smoothly.

As Anakin strolls in, Obi-Wan stops, dropping his saber at his side and turning slowly around. "Oh, hi Padawan Ani," he says in the same Core accent but a few octaves higher. It seems he hasn't had time to change, so he's stripped down to his undershirt and pants, Jedi robes cast to the side. He seems to also have gained a strip of cloth he's fashioned as a headband to keep his hair back. It makes parts of his hair stick up in wild directions. Definitely, a look that isn't characteristic of his usually tidy Master. He tops off the greeting with a polite bow.

"No need to bow when we're not around the Masters, kid. And you can just call me Ani. We're both padawans."

Obi-Wan's eyes drop to the ground, his face falling. He can't get over how young he looks. "Oh... you didn't hear?"

"Like I said, I've been away."

He traces a saber mark on the ground with the toe of his boot. "I, uh, left for a while. My master doesn't trust me anymore."

Out of all the things he expected to come out of Obi-Wan's mouth, this was not one of the possible options he contrived. "Doesn't trust-- I mean, what could you have possibly done?"

"I said I left," he says, his blue eyes snapping up to him with surprising intensity. Anakin raises an eyebrow.

"You're angry."

"I'm not angry."

"You're upset."

Tiny-Wan doesn't reply. Anakin gets another idea. He pulls out his lightsaber and turns down the power into training mode. The kid watches him carefully.

"Wanna spar?"

"Now?"

"Helps blow off some steam so it's easier to meditate later." Anakin ignites his saber, waving around the blue blade in a quick spin. Obi-Wan's long face turns to a grin, and he ignites the training saber again. They stand in opening positions, Obi-Wan sticking with Form I, which makes sense for a thirteen or fourteen-year-old. Anakin decides maybe doing a form he isn't as good at would even things out a little more-- he raises his lightsaber above his head, turning his body to the side and pointing his arm straight out toward Obi-Wan. The kid's eyes widen at the Soresu stance.

In taking a defensive form, Obi-Wan is the first to make a move. He moves swiftly, naturally, testing out the clash of the sabers against one another with simple blows Anakin is meant to easily deflect. He's testing me, Anakin realizes as he keeps pushing him in a tight circle. He lets the kid get warmed up to the spar, giving him a few more offensive moves to mix things up, which seems to excite him.

"Been a while since you sparred?" Anakin asks.

"That obvious?"

"Oh, no, Obi-Wan I didn't mean you were doing bad you just seem... happy to be doing it." The Force is singing right now.

The kid does a slightly more advanced move, grinning wildly. "I've missed fighting with a lightsaber."

Slowly, Anakin is picking up clues. He "left", didn't have his saber with him (or he did and just had nobody to use it against), and whatever he did got him in trouble with the council.

"What form do you wanna learn first?"

"Four!" he says, demonstrating a classic Ataru acrobatic move with his answer, which surprises Anakin enough that Obi-Wan manages a combo move.

Anakin smiles. If only he knew he'd be a master of Soresu a handful of years from now.

"Very impressive, young one. You stayed in shape while away."

Once again, his face falls, and he puts his energy back into the fight. Their actions start picking up, Obi-Wan funneling more of his young energy into quick movements and acrobatics. Though his forms have fallen out completely by this point and turned into less controlled jabs, Anakin is struck with how smart he's fighting. He is selective with diversions and fakes, fighting well enough that Anakin is actually having to put some effort into maintaining his Soresu form. He's strong too. He slams his saber into his with surprising force, but never still long enough for Anakin to return the blow.

It's like he's used to fighting those much larger than him. He uses his size and speed to his advantage, knowing exactly how and where to strike that makes it difficult for Anakin to counter. It's fascinating, and not at all like how Obi-Wan spars now. Anakin even starts to forget who he is crossing swords with after a while until he speaks and the Tiny-Wan accent reminds him.

"You're holding back," he says, his forehead sheening with sweat.

"You're a kid."

"It's harder to practice real sparring when you're fighting like a training droid."

Anger? Taunting? Who is this kid? Anakin smirks at him, and when they reach a lull, he shifts his position into an offensive. Now, let's show him how Ataru is done.

The fight ends minutes later. To Tiny-Wan's credit, he held him off well, but Anakin is a senior padawan, trained by one of the best swordsmen in the Order, and Obi-Wan... well, he hasn't found out he's one of the best swordsmen in the Order yet. His chest rises and falls rapidly as he lays on the training sala floor. Anakin peers over him, and finds a toothy smile on his face.

"That. Was. Awesome!" he says, jumping up. "You moved so fast I couldn't even see you sometimes! You and my master--" he trails off, biting on his lip. His mood deflates. "You and Master Jinn should spar sometime. He also specializes in Ataru."

"Do you feel less upset now, at least?"

He nods. "I have a lot of catching up to do, but it... helped. Thanks, Ani."

Obi-Wan walks over to the bench to get dressed again. As he picks up his robe, his belt falls and clatters against the durasteel bench, making a loud singular bang. He doesn't think much of it until he looks at the padawan and sees his entire body has gone rigid, his eyes darting around the room.

"Obi-Wan?" Anakin asks. When he doesn't move, he walks up to him and crouches down to eye level. "Obi-Wan, what's wrong?"

The kid clears his throat, his eyes finally focusing on the senior padawan. "I, uh, nothing, Ani. Just... loud."

Anakin reaches down and picks up the belt. "The noise this made... Did it scare you?"

"Jedi don't get scared."

"That isn't true. What just happened? Your face is white as a sheet."

With a deep, shaky sigh, the padawan sits down on the bench and buries his face in his hands. "It sounded... it sounded like the invasion bell."

"Invasion bell?"

"The scouts would ring it when they were attacking in the night."

"Obi-Wan, I don't know what you're referring to."

"The--The Melida. Or the Daan!" he exclaims, his head popping up from his hands. "They attacked so often in the night, we could never sleep well. What if we missed the bell?"

Cold sweat is beading on his forehead. Anakin has no idea what to say. He puts a comforting hand on his shoulder instead, rubbing softly.

"Hey, hey, you're not there anymore. It was just your belt. You're in the Jedi Temple. You're safe now. Just... breathe."

He guides him through deep breaths in and out-- something that his own master has gotten him through as well. It's strange to be preaching his own tactics back at him, though he doesn't seem to notice. Probably hasn't learned them yet.

Obi-Wan recovers. Finishes getting dressed. Seems embarrassed to have him kneeling beside him rubbing circles on his back from the flush in his cheeks. "I should... go home now. But thanks for fighting with me Ani."

"Anytime, kid. You know, things with your master are going to work out."

Tiny-Wan looks up at him with those big blue eyes. "You think so?"

"I know so."

Obi-Wan leaves with a spring in his step. As soon as he's out of the room, Anakin deflates. How did this kid-- shellshocked and emotional-- become his steadfast master? How has he never heard any of this before? He decides the best way to figure this out is to go talk to the council. Tell them he's here somehow and try to figure out more.

But suddenly the sala starts to sway, and he begins to feel like he's being put under a sleep suggestion. Uh oh. Not now! Not yet! I just need to talk to--

Anakin gasps awake, a headache pounding at his temples and his sleeve soaking wet from falling into the spray of the waterfall. He's back in the room of a thousand fountains, back in his own time period, assumingly, and now with a million questions going through his head. Light is streaming in from the skylights-- he really did spend all night here. He wastes no time jumping up and climbing down the falls.

Obi-Wan is awake when he bursts back into the apartment, sitting at the kitchen table eating sliced fruit. He looks up apathetically when Anakin enters, half soaking wet, only raising an eyebrow. The Obi-Wan blank stare that apparently he's had mastered since he was a kid.

"Where have you been?"

You wouldn't believe me if I told you. "Early start."

"Mmhm." he doesn't sound convinced, but he chooses to stuff another piece of fruit in his mouth instead of questioning him further.

"Obi-Wan..." Anakin doesn't even know where to start. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he says, gesturing to the chair across from him. Anakin sits down slowly. It's early enough that Obi-Wan is still in his nightclothes and his hair an unorderly mess. In this state, Anakin can see a flash of his padawan self, long messy hair, and baggy clothes hanging off him. "What is it?"

"What's the Melida?"

Obi-Wan lowers his fork slowly, "In... In what context?"

"Like... Melida or the Daan. Maybe a war?"

Obi-Wan goes completely still. He stares forward for a long time, not looking at Anakin or anything in particular just staring. What can Anakin do besides sit there and wait for him to say something. Anything.

"Well," he finally says. "Melida/Daan was a planet that had a civil war spanning generations."

"Had?"

"Well, it ended years ago. By a third group that fought against the other two for peace," he swallows dryly. "The Young. Why... Why do you ask, Anakin?"

"Well, I..." he didn't think he'd get this far if he's being honest. From the way Obi-Wan is looking at him, he seems to not have expected this to ever come up. "I heard something. About you as a padawan."

He's quiet for another moment. Not as long as the first, but just as haunting.

"Qui-Gon and I had a mission there when I was thirteen. Master Tahl had gone dark, and we were sent to find her. I saw what was happening on this planet. That children had taken it upon themselves to fight the war their great-great-grandparents waged. And I felt my place was there with them." Obi-Wan stands from the table, walking toward the window that faces out onto the skyline of Coruscant. "Qui-Gon didn't agree with me. He gave me a choice, and I chose to leave the Jedi Order and stay on the Melida/Daan."

"You... left the Jedi?" Anakin whispers in awe. Suddenly Tiny-Wan's cryptic words make sense.

"For about a year, yes. And then my feelings changed. I wanted to return, and we needed the help of the Jedi to lock in peace for the planet so I called Qui-Gon again. And he came for me... not without consequences, though," he mutters the last part.

"You. You left the order?"

"That is what I just told you, yes."

"And Master Jinn... he was hard on you about it?"

Obi-Wan's lips press together into a thin line. "Master Jinn and I were on scant terms before I left. He feared I would turn out like his previous padawan who turned to the dark side."

This almost makes Anakin laugh out loud. Obi-Wan? Turning to the dark side? He literally can't think of a person less likely.

But he thinks about how when he met padawan Obi-Wan his emotions were strong, easily read across his face. He was upset and a little angry and Master Jinn certainly wasn't doing anything to help him with that. Now Anakin feels horrible for what he said to his master the night before. Not only was it out of frustration, but it was also completely incorrect.

"Master, I'm... I'm sorry. For what I said earlier. I didn't... I wasn't--"

"Not many do," he says serenely. "And maybe I should have told you sooner I just..." he shrugs. "I suppose it's not my favorite topic to think about. I was far too young to be in a warzone. And when I returned, my guilt often got the best of me. It took a long time for him to trust me again. It's not a way I wanted you as my padawan to see me."

But when Anakin looks at Obi-Wan now, he isn't let down by this new context. If anything, it makes him respect his master even more. He always believed that Obi-Wan was hard on him because he wanted him to be as perfect as he was... but obviously, Tiny-Wan wasn't the saint he thought him to be, and Master Jinn didn't exactly give Obi-Wan the benefit of the doubt. But now he knows, even if it was just a glimpse, that maybe he knows more about needing to keep emotions under control than Anakin previously thought.

"Will you tell me more Tiny-Wan stories?" Anakin asks, making his master look at him funny.

"Tiny-Wan?  Why are you assuming I was small?"

Because I met you, Master, and you were pretty tiny. "Just... a hunch I suppose."

"Well, I'll have you know I was perfectly average for my age group." he pouts.

"Fine," the padawan groans. "Will you tell me more of your padawan stories?"

Obi-Wan walks into the kitchen and puts a kettle on the range. "I'm sure something of that sort can be arranged."

He watches him pull out two mugs and start to make some tea. He picks out Anakin's favorite as well as some milk-- just the way he likes it. And then his own. He watches his master with a new admiration. This must have been what the Force was trying to lead him to.

[rhaenyraisadyke]

This is an analysis of the last Clone Wars episode I wrote exactly a year ago today. I feel like sharing it because why not so tada.

I'm also kinda posting this for me so you seriously don't have to read it- unless you want to idk I can't exactly stop you. And if yall want more, I did them all on the last 8 episodes of the Clone Wars because I felt like it.

Victory and Death

Before you go through this. I just want to say that the Clone Wars and primarily Ahsoka have been in my life for as along as I can remember. I have grown up on this TV Show. So for it to finally get the ending it deserves, is in a way a dream come true. My heart and soul is poured into this show. But with the Clone Wars ending, I know this won’t be the last of Ahsoka.

* This opening music is called Victory and Death

* It’s very similar to the music played at Padmè’s funeral, I guess you could say its a reminder of what death is lurking.

* I’ve never seen such a crisp Venator class Star Destroyer.

* It’s so detailed and for that reason, its going to make this all hurt even more then it already will.

* We are back from where we were left off moments ago in Shattered.

* Ahsoka still doesn’t want to kill any of the clones. She knows they can’t control it, and she wants to be able to help them. Just like she did with Rex. Ahsoka and Rex are the only ones who know its not their fault.

* This isn’t her first rodeo, she dealt with a similar thing in brain invaders with the Genosians.

* Similar with the Brain invaders, she didn’t want to be the one to personally kill them.

* She knew they were willing to die if it meant she would be dead.

* She just couldn’t deal with the fact that she would have killed clones who chose to be with her. Who CHOSE to stand by her on this mission and serve with her against Maul on Mandalore. She knew just about every single one of the clone’s names. She took the time to acknowledge them all. And they all are ready to die because of her. So as the person Ahsoka is, to make that decision and refuse to kill them is untimely better then being the one to personally “pull the trigger”

* The reason why in Shattered that she killed a few of the troopers was because at the time she didn’t know they were unable to control their actions. She had no idea what was happening. She was in fight or flight mode.

* Watching Rex and Ahsoka go right into attack mode on their brothers is just brutal, but beautiful at the same time.

* Ahsoka is in a defensive position and guarding Rex with every move, while allowing Rex to be on the offense.

* I find it interesting about how Ahsoka doesn’t try to hide at all that she let Maul out.

* In reality it was either she let him out and create a diversion to survive or allow him to die and have every single clone looking for her. Although no answer is the right one, considering her odds, it was the only one left.

* The worst part about the entire clone wars, is that every character is always put in a situation where they have to compromise their morals for this war. No matter what side you were on in this war, you were sacrificing so much when none of it ever mattered in the end, because no one won.

* No matter what choice Ahsoka mode in that moment, she was stuck with the deaths of troopers on her hands, and there was nothing she could do about it. Because in the end, no one wins the clone wars.

* Maul is on another rampage and it’s terrifying

* He uses a 332nd HELMET AS A SHIELD

* He’s so incredibly powerful and it’s just crazy.

* I loved how the bridge looked when they came out of hyperspace. Really cinematic

* All of the lives Maul is taking is also taking a toll on Ahsoka. When she tells Rex she let him out, you can tell there’s a bit of guilt in there. She knows what Maul is capable of, and by Ahsoka letting him out. She’s allowing all of these clones to die. In the end it’s a fight for survival, and she’s doing everything she can to survive. So by allowing Maul do what he will do, it’s the best choice out of a really bad situation.

* The way the ship comes out of Hyperspace is insane.

* Knowing this ship is going to crash on this moon, and there’s nothing Ahsoka can do to save all of the clones is ripping her apart.

* In all of her life, she has only ever wanted to help people. But everyone on this ship wants to kill her, and yet she still wants to help. Knowing this ship is going down is terrifying for her because she can’t save them all.

* This is important because in the Martez sisters arc, Ahsoka learns what truly goes wrong when the people who need help most aren’t able to be helped.

* The Martez sisters taught her that everyone deserves a chance to be saved. Their parents should have been saved because that’s what a Jedi is supposed to do. They are supposed to save the people who need it most. Not catching criminals when they are interfering with a Jedi’s work.

* As the ship is getting into orbit, and becoming more and more destroyed, it just furthers the fact of how the clones are programed to purely just follow order 66.

* Their humanity is lost. Their worry for their lives is completely out the window.

* They don’t care that the ship is breaking apart around them.

* Every single clone is hyper focused to complete the mission, because in the end, good soldiers follow orders.

* All that the clones can think about and is programed to do, is to kill Ahsoka Tano.

* What makes this moment worse, is that Ahsoka doesn’t want to hurt them. She knows this isn’t really them.

* Rex on the other hand for the first time ever, has distanced himself from his brothers.

* Rex knows deep down that there’s no way to save them all. He knows threes nothing he can do about it, so for him to distance himself in the moment, is his best bet to survive.

* When Rex is trying to get Ahsoka to understand that she can’t save them all, he is wearing his helmet.

* That helmet is what the empire wanted

* They wanted the helmets to be a sign of emptiness and unable to show expression for what had to be done.

* Rex didn’t want Ahsoka to see his face because he was being emotional. It in a sense was a sign of weakness but in reality, the helmet was what separated him and the mind controlled clones.

* Under the helmet, Rex still had his humanity.

* Under the helmets of the other clones, they were just a blank slate, made to be destroyed.

* So when Rex cries and doesn’t look at Ahsoka in that moment. It’s because he wants to hide his humanity and not let it get in the way of getting the job done. Getting to safety.

* When Ahsoka says “While they may be willing to die. I will not be the one who is to kill them” It’s bittersweet. She knows they are beyond saving, but she knows that if she kills them, then she will have the blood on her hands of someone who was unable to control themselves and in a sense fight back.

* Rex just wants to do the right thing. And he knew what it was like being on the other side. To execute the order and to be completely okay with loosing his life for it.

* Rex just was so vulnerable in this moment, because he was completely helpless.

* When Rex goes into being defeated and everything, he is never one to back off and surrender, so for him to surrender, it’s just painful. By Rex surrendering to him, I think it means he failed Ahsoka, and in the last episode. Rex calling Ahsoka kid, his younger sister, for him to fail her, is something Rex would have never ever wanted to do.

* This moment, is very Anakin and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan did it at the battle of Christiopsis, and Anakin did it on Yerbana.

* The way every single one of the clones goes from at attention to aiming at Ahsoka and Rex is just terrifying. They are truly no longer human, and are droids.

* These soldiers who chose to be with Ahsoka on this ship, and chose to fight along side her at the Siege of Mandalore, are in the end wearing her markings and holding her at gunpoint.

* When Rex says the order was to execute the Jedi in all fairness its a fair point. She’s not a Jedi.

* But in the end, Ahsoka was an important person in Anakin’s life, so in order for her to not interfere with Sidious’s plans, she had to be eliminated.

* This whole scene with Rex and Jesse is just so heartbreaking because after everything Jesse went through, he still couldn’t catch a break

* Rex was most likely worried sick when he found out Maul took Jesse.

* Jesse was tortured by Maul and we all through something horrible was going to happen to him with Maul. The Satine and Obi-Wan scene was HUGLY paralleling the scene when Jesse goes back to Rex.

* But then when Rex thought him and Jesse would be finally okay, Order 66 happens.

* And Rex’s brother, one of his closest, turned on him.

* It’s such a bittersweet moment, because Rex is stalling, and him no longer being a commander is just iconic. He wanted to stay a captain so he could be on the front lines.

* In this moment, Vaders theme I think is slowed down.

* It’s such a tense moment with hundreds of clones ready to fire at Ahsoka and Rex, and with the ship going down too, the anxiety in both of Ahsoka and Rex is very prominent

* Ahsoka’s plan of dropping the clones under with the help of the droids is so smart. It allows her to have the upper hand while they recover.

* And even with hundreds of clones, she is still not wanting to kill a single one.

* Ahsoka is ready to kill Maul.

* She spared him and did what the council wanted. But now with for all Ahsoka knows the order crumbling in every moment, Maul is going to hinder her, and she can’t allow that.

* So when Maul says “You wanted this chaos” It’s brilliant because she really did, but because she could defeat Maul, she underestimated the clones potential to stop/kill him.

* I love how RG-G1 (the black and gold droid) almost laughed at the fact the clones were locked out of the control panel.

* Watching Maul start to get away and seeing how clone the ship was to the surface is terrifying. You know what is going to come, and although we know both Ahsoka and Rex’s fate, we are still on the edge of our seats.

* It’s such a Vader & Starkiller, Maybe even Rey moment, when Ahsoka is using the force to pull back the ship.

* It truly just shows how powerful she is.

* During the first battle of Felucia, after Ahsoka got carried away and realized that she was going to be overrun and as Anakin said “You just don’t see it yet”. Once they got back to the temple and go over what happened with the Jedi Council,

* Anakin talks about how he forgot how young Ahsoka was because of how powerful she is.

* From the beginning Ahsoka has always been powerful with the force.

* She was at first thought to be from Anakin himself, “aren’t you too young to be a padawan” which Ahsoka replies that “Master Yoda thinks I’m ready”

* This was just another moment that showed some of her true potential. Her power is the reason why she was assigned to Anakin and not to Obi-Wan. She needed someone as/more powerful than her to give her the best jedi training possible.

* Version of imperial march is there when Ahsoka is really starting to pull when Rex grabs onto Ahsoka.

* When she sees R7 get shot down, that loss hits, her hard and she loses focus for a second because this droid had been with her from the Battle of Ryloth, her first proper mission in a starfighter.

* Then when Rex gets shot, thats just when for her it clicks that she can’t lose anyone else.

* Up until this point She had lost Kalifa (Jedi Lost- Trandosion arc) Master Piell, Tryla (Carlac), Steela Gerrera, Barriss, Anakin, Plo, and everyone who lost faith in her for leaving the order.

* Rex was the only person that after everything, he refused to give up on her. He saw her for who she was, and not for being in the order, but as a person who fought alongside him in the Clone War.

* Rex was the last person Ahsoka had left, and so when he got shot, she couldn’t let him die in exchange for Maul.

* When we see Maul leave, the sight of how close the ship is to the surface is terrifying. They are running out of time, but Ahsoka can save her friend for the time being.

* Ahsoka isn’t breaking a sweat. She’s doing everything in her power to protect herself and Rex.

* Anakin taught her everything she needed to know to survive. “When I was out there, alone, all I had was your training and the lessons you taught me. And because of you, I did survive. And not only that, I was able to lead others to survive as well.” And she was able to allow Rex to survive.

* The way she cuts the ground to save both herself and Rex is genius. They can’t go up so they might as well go down.

* It’s very much an Anakin moment with her not telling Rex what she Is going to do.

* As Rex and Ahsoka gain their footing from that drop, and we see how close they are getting to the surface, if you listen closely, we get duel of the fates in a higher key.

* The music just escalates as we see the clones who were brought to the bottom are all ready to fire on Ahsoka and Rex.

* Cheep and RG try to save Rex and Ahsoka by bringing the clones back up, which ultimately lead to their demise.

* This is the first time we have seen a droid be murdered. Because Cheep and RG were helping Ahsoka and Rex, just like if they were human, they were murdered in cold blood.

* When Ahsoka gets shot again, in that moment you can really tell she’s starting to get tired. She has been fighting non stop for quite a bit now and like any person its taking a toll on her, but her persistence to survive is what gets her through the next few moments.

* The music gets more intense and slivers of duel of the fates kick into action. When she makes that jump just before she throws Rex, the keys as ROTS starts in Race you to the top play and its just a beautiful cinematic parallel.

* She’s really starting to struggle now. It’s just her against hundreds of clones.

* And the ship really starts to take a turn for the worse.

* Rex is clearly terrified for Ahsoka once the ship starts to really deteriorate, and as Ahsoka jumps to get into the Y-Wing, it’s almost too late. The ship is falling apart.

* But Rex isn’t giving up on her. He never has and never will.

* And as she looses her grip on the ship, more notes from Race you to the surface kick in.

* The way she falls but catches herself while running just shows how determined she is to stay alive. She knows that all, or believes that all Jedi have died in this order and she is the only survivor. She can’t let the history and the hope with the Jedi die with this war. She can’t let Rex die alone, so she keeps going.

* While she’s running it just really shows how MASSIVE these ships are in comparison to a person. They are just gigantic.

* Ahsoka and Rex truly got out on the very last second.

* This war has taken a toll on both of them. That fight took a toll. They just fought tooth and bone against their brothers in an effort to survive. Every single one of those clones was ready to give up their lives if it meant for Ahsoka and Rex to die.

* The silence from when they get into the Y-Wing is just perfect. We don’t need any dialogue to represent how powerful this moment is. No words are needed to explain how painful this moment was. After everything Ahsoka and Rex had went through, no words were needed.

* The ship is completely destroyed and same with the republic/grand army of the republic. We even see the Open Circle Fleet logo.

* Ahsoka and Rex are surrounded by the ruins and graves of everything they tried to save. They tried so hard to save the clones. The Jedi tried to save the galaxy. None of them could save the thing they wanted to most.

* Everything Ahsoka and Rex had fought for died. There was so much hope for their futures. Ahsoka talking with Yoda- she could have come back into the order, and she could have been happy.

* Ahsoka and Rex took the time to find R7, and as many clones as they could find. They didn’t JUST put the helmets on the sticks, she buried the bodies of the clones. Every single one they could find.

* These were clones that chose to fight with her. They chose to serve Ahsoka in the Siege of Mandalore.

* The entire planet is shown in more earth-colored tones, lots of browns and tans.  It tells us exactly what her and Rex’s mood is, that there is warmth still there, but it’s been dulled and grayed out, she’s devastated and numb, everything she worked so incredibly hard to save is in ashes.  Everything she loved is dead or lost.

* She cloaked in Grey, which parallels her in the end of Rebels with the white cloak. Similar to Gandalf, which ( I have confirmation from Dave, this WAS INTENTIONAL)

* She is looking over all the death and destruction from the end of the Clone War. “She was alone, something she was never meant to be”

* As we pan to the Clones helmets up close, we see all of these clones that fought for Ahsoka and chose to be with her until the very end.

* And then we get Jesse.

* A clone who had been fighting alongside her and Anakin since he became a proper clone. He was the last remaining member of the domino squad, who had been through so much, from Umbara to Maul, and then was just another clone. Made to follow order 66 and be expendable.

* Ahsoka’s theme plays.

* so the last time ahsoka’s theme plays (the classic six-note melody) when she lets go of her sabers, it never actually resolves to its sixth and last note—the melody left hanging and incomplete, and it just fades away, just like how this chapter of ahsoka’s life has been abruptly and cruelly cut off because of Palpatine and order 66. Go to 1:42 https://open.spotify.com/track/2EgVDzhE9yBHO7DgMdWCwk?si=z7rGUvqXR6Gd6iCSeFfiPg

* She took the time to bury every single one, so they could have an end of their story, but because of their deaths Ahsoka couldn't with hers, and the music having her theme play unfinished just futures that. She could have come back into the order. She could have saved Anakin. She could have been able to have a peaceful life at the temple with Anakin and Obi-Wan and all of the other Jedi. She could have been able to peacefully explore her potential of being the physical light side embodiment of the force. It's not just the tragedy of Anakin Skywalker. It's the tragedy of everyone he ever cared about too, and them having to face the consequences of his actions.

* She then hesitates to leave her lightsaber. That moment of hesitation before she drops it, that this is so hard for her to let go of, the last piece of Anakin that she had, the last piece of the Jedi that she had.  The Jedi Order that she wanted to go back to someday, but they’re gone now.  Her connection to them is gone, just like her connection to anything of the Republic. The one thing Anakin had told her and had been consistent from the start, to never lose it. “Your lightsaber is your life. Don’t lose it”

* Ahsoka drops it because she has no hope anymore, she believes Anakin is dead. 

* And in this moment Ahsoka Tano died on that moon. Just like Obi-Wan and Anakin did on Mustafar.

* She had to leave everything behind, including her lightsaber. All her hopes for the future, her connections to the people she cared about, the things she wanted to do, her name, everything that made her her.  She would go into hiding, become Ashla, and just try to survive.

* Theres no hope. Absolutely no hope for Ashla and Rex.

* This is the first time and the last in the Clone Wars we see that kind of transition of fading out.

* The music that plays is just so sinister. It makes you feel cold, and eludes to the fact that Vader is now there and not Anakin, but yet, it also doesn’t feel like Vader.

*  literally every other film depiction of Darth Vader is something very simple, but the way he moves, is just different. He doesn’t’ move like any version we have seen of Vader. He moves like Anakin Skywalker.

* In contrast to what was said about where Ahsoka was, its a frozen wasteland, cold and empty just like Vader.

* “Everything is bleached out. Everything is pretty stark. Everything’s washed away color-wise, which is what George did it at the end of Revenge of the Sith. A lot of things I do are just ways of taking what George did and reasserting them, enhancing them, showing that this is what his half of Star Wars is about, ultimately, and how the heroes will prevail through it, despite all of the wickedness of the enemy.” - Dave Filoni

* And thats what the dark side is. It’s cold. It’s empty.

* In Rebels Ezra shivers from it when he feels a wave of it crash over him, people who are falling into it suddenly feel cold inside, despite that it’s perfectly warm outside.

* It just shows how lost he is. How there were warm yet cold colors with Ahsoka. She’s held onto the light, she’ll return to it when she’s had time to heal, but Anakin has fully embraced it. 

* The cruiser is frozen over.  Vader walking through the ruins. 

* Hearing Vaders breathing is just horrifying. Never have we heard in the clone wars, such a breathtaking sound.

* Ahsoka’s lightsaber.

* This lightsaber is frozen in memory.

* He cradles it in his hand, brushing the snow away again with the other.

* When Anakin goes also to pick up Ahsoka’s saber, its a perfect parallel to Obi-Wan picking up Anakin’s saber.

* Then, inexplicably, he flicks it on and we see Vader wielding a blue lightsaber for the very last time onscreen. Who knows why he turned it on. Maybe he couldn’t quite believe it was Ahsoka’s and that she’d lost it once more. Because he always taught her that “this weapon is your life.”

* Maybe he was testing to see if it still worked or if the color was still that brilliant blue he tweaked it into.

* We then see Vader look to Morai.

* We see the eyes of Anakin. NOT Vader. We see Anakin Skywalker again. The last time in the Clone Wars.

* It’s a clear parallel to Twilight of the Apprentice when Ahsoka destroys the side of his mask with her ‘sabre and Anakin leaks through.

* It’s so, so obviously clear that he still loves Ahsoka in this moment. That Ahsoka still brings out the good in him.

* That this is, awfully, their final goodbye as they knew each other.

* We always read about how Ahsoka and the Convor are linked and how it’s really Ahsoka and the Light Side of the Force that’s linked.

* But I don’t think we’ve ever really seen anything about how Anakin is linked to the Convor and Ahsoka.

* The thing is, I think the Convor also represents the link between Anakin and Ahsoka.

* During the Mortis Arc, Ahsoka essentially dies. The Son kills her, inadvertently mortally wounding his own sister in the process. As the Father grieves, Anakin rushes over to Ahsoka and pleads with the Father. But Anakin in the moment is the one who is the conduit of the Daughter’s life-force as its transferred to Ahsoka.

* Right after the Mortis Arc, Ahsoka gets kidnapped. It’s the first time she’s ever really been alone and forced to fight to survive. But she manages it, despite the other Padawans on the island giving up or succumbing to their fate. Again, out of everyone, Ahsoka survives. This is also the first time we see the convorees.

* During this arc, Anakin is left alone, as well. Fearful and lost, he worries for Ahsoka, but Plo, the Master who found Ahsoka in the first place, guides him. “What is Ahsoka’s strength?” Plo asks him.“She is fearless,” Anakin replies. “That can also be a weakness. Is she a worthy apprentice?” “No one has her kind of determination.”“Except you.”“I’ll find her.”“This may not be within your power.”“Whatever you’re trying to say Master Plo, just say it!”“I am suggesting that perhaps if you have trained her well, she’ll take care of herself and find a way back to you.” This, again, is so, so important. “Except you,” Plo says.

* No one has Ahsoka’s determination except for Anakin. No one has her hope except for him. Ahsoka was already a wonderful, resilient person, but Anakin brought it out in her. He taught her, guided her, and now those lessons must guide her as she faces the world alone. This is only reiterated when Anakin and Ahsoka reunite.

* “Ahsoka, I am so sorry,” “For what?”“For letting you go, for letting you get taken. It was my fault.”“No, Master, it wasn’t your fault.”“I should’ve paid more attention. I should’ve tried harder. I…”“You already did everything you could, everything you had to do. When I was out there, alone, all I had was your training and the lessons you taught me. And because of you, I did survive. And not only that, I was able to lead others to survive as well.”

* Thats a huge recurring theme in Star Wars. Ahsoka preservers and survives. She saves and guides people. Ahsoka will always be Anakin’s Padawan, his legacy.

* She embodies all his best qualities, including, of course, his ever-lingering hope.

* And that is one of the reasons why Ahsoka is so important: Anakin’s goodness lives on within her. Of course she is her own person, I wouldn’t love her as much as I do if she wasn’t, but being Anakin Skywalker’s Padawan shaped her into the woman we know today.

* “You never would have made it as Obi-Wan’s Padawan,” Anakin told her in that very first movie so many years ago. “But you might make it as mine.”That has never been more true.If Ahsoka had been Obi-Wan’s Padawan, she’d be dead along with the rest of the Order. If she’d been Obi-Wan’s Padawan, yes she’d be skilled, and yes she would have learned to persevere throughout hardship— But there’s a certain passion for life and hope in Anakin that Obi-Wan simply doesn’t possess.

* Ahsoka inherited that from him.So now we circle back to the convor. In various cultures owls represent death and wisdom. Filoni has even confirmed that in the Star Wars universe, it is the same. This isn’t surprising when Anakin and Ahsoka are constantly facing off death and rising above it, becoming wiser because of it. And, horribly, I’m reminded that this finale is the death of them. They cannot be who they once were, and they cannot be to each other who they once were. But owls can also represent luck and good fortune.

* “Master Kenobi always said there’s no such thing as luck.”“Good thing I taught you otherwise.”

* All throughout her life, Anakin’s lessons and influence guide her, and after the Mortis Arc in moments of great struggle: a convor appears. What I’m trying to say, I suppose, is that the convor not only symbolizes the Light Side of the Force. It also symbolizes Anakin Skywalker.

* And maybe that’s because Anakin Skywalker does embody the Light Side of the Force. Despite everything he goes through and everything he does, Anakin Skywalker clutches onto that bit of hope and comes back to the Light. He brings Balance to the Force.

* The convor lingers above Anakin at the end of the Clone Wars after Ahsoka has survived despite the odds. It appears again after their duel in Twilight of the Apprentice. Morai watches Anakin limp out of the Temple, and then returns to Ahsoka after guiding her back from the World Between Worlds. After guiding her back to Anakin.

* “I am suggesting that perhaps if you have trained her well, she’ll take care of herself and find a way back to you,” Plo told Anakin that first time Ahsoka was lost. And he’s right. Ahsoka does find her way back. Again and again and again.

* She loves him. He’s her brother and he taught her everything he knew, and she survives because of it. Ahsoka won’t ever let that bit of Anakin go. She won’t ever lose sight of the good in him, or in anyone else.

* “I won’t leave you,” she promises him. “Not this time.”

* It’s more a promise of hope than anything else. A declaration of loyalty and determination and love. She still believes in him, and she wants, no needs him to know that.

* we talk a lot about how the Daughter and Ahsoka are connected through the convor, but we never talk about how Anakin was that conduit in the first place. The Light and life flowed through him into Ahsoka and so she survived.

* In the moments when Anakin holds Ahsoka’s saber it points him towards the light, and TOWARDS Morai, and we see him for who he is, and who he will become.

* Ahsoka has survived through Anakin. And she continues to survive.  And maybe it’s still making me cry as I write this, but we know how this story ends, and we’re reminded when Anakin, not Vader, looks up into the sky, Ahsoka’s lightsaber in hand and watches Morai circle above. Star Wars is about hope. It always has been. Despite everything they’ve gone through, there is hope for Anakin Skywalker. And there is hope for Ahsoka Tano, too.

* Vader takes the lightsaber it with him, just like he did with Obi-Wans years later. but even more symbolically–the helmet that has her markings on it, the helmet of a clone trooper of the Republic, with Vader’s reflection walking away from it, forgotten and left behind in the snow, as dead as everything else.

* The last shot we are given of the Clone Wars ever is of the trooper helmet with Ahsoka’s markings and Vader in the shadow.

* It’s the last thing ever we get of the clone wars and represents everything the Clone Wars was about.

* It was about Ahsoka and Rex’s story, and the tie into the fall of Anakin Skywalker.

* Dave Filoni did everything he intended to do with these last episodes. To give us the ending we didn’t just want, but the ending that we deserved.

* Star Wars has always been about hope. Every Star Wars anything has ended on hope, even RotS has hope! (Luke and Leia)

* The audience knows what will happen and that there is hope..

* But Ahsoka and Rex don’t know that. Theres no hope for them.

* This is the first time in Star Wars that something has closed on a Hopeless note.

I would be lying to you if I told you I didn’t cry every time writing a piece of this, and that I wouldn’t be here without the Clone Wars. I would be lying if I said that I won’t ever get over this ending, and I won’t. But the fact that we have an ending, and a really solid one, is everything I need.

[calboniferous]

Duality

Chapter 8 – Bant

Bant watched from a passenger seat as Master Koon brought the ship out of hyperspace and Garen, having talked his way into the co-pilot’s seat, hailed Naboo air traffic control.

Naboo from space was a truly beautiful world of verdant greens and sweeping blue. At this distance it was nigh impossible to tell that the planet had been party to a violent invasion and occupation. The only indication to these events was the glittering metallic cloud which was all that remained of the Trade Federation control ship.

However, descending over Theed favoured the Jedi with a clear view of the destruction. Bant’s heart ached in sympathy for what she saw.

The graceful pillars and red-tiled rooves of the city’s buildings were marked with carbon scoring characteristic of blasterfire and many of the buildings were reduced to rubble. Tents were tucked between broken columns and piles of debris littered the streets. And, pale grey in the wan morning sunlight, smoke still rose in parts of the city and climbed high into the sky in the absence of wind.

They landed in the main hangar of the Theed Royal Palace. While a number of the starfighter bays were glaringly empty, one of the ships had been decorated with roughly cut strips of red fabric and had ‘The Skywalker’ painted boldly across the fuselage. Bant hazarded a guess that it was the victory ship. The brief sent by the Naboo had summarised the battle and the Masters’ force presences went sharp and icy at the line “young Anakin Skywalker flew a Royal Starfighter to great efficacy and secured victory with his destruction of the control ship”.

No, Plo “Finder to a third of the creche” Koon and Vokara “mother nexu” Che were not happy that a nine-year-old was on a battlefield. After that episode, Bant decided she never wanted to witness ‘scary quiet’ Master Koon again thank you very much. And, in the interest of doing so, she made a mental note to strong-arm the young pilot into a mind healers’ office at the next opportunity.

Serene masks firmly in place, the Jedi descended the ramp before the whine of the engines shutting down faded and they were a small party of Nabooians approched. Bant immediately singled out the clean lines of the Healer’s uniform.

An elderly human man draped in plum velvet stepped forwards and opened his arms wide in greeting. “Ah, welcome, Masters Jedi, welcome! News of your arrival was a surprise, but we are glad of your presence nonetheless; indeed, we owe your kin a great debt although— “

Master Che gave no acknowledgement to the man and interrupted his filibuster, passing him to meet the mirialan healer. “Healer Renada,”

“Master Che,” they said, waving a hand for the Jedi to follow “he’s this way.”

The human man—a politician, Bant deduced from his impractical garb—sputtered as the Jedi swept past without so much as a hitch in their gate, his mouth gaping like those deep-sea fish from Mon Cala. If circumstances hadn’t been so grim, Bant might’ve found it funny. As it was, she was preoccupied with following their guide who, thankfully, kept up a brisque pace.

Bant didn’t have to guess which room Obi-Wan was in, feeling his muted presence through their creche bond. Unconscious, then. Still, the echoes of pain and flashes of light she could sense meant that he wasn’t shielding his end of the bond.

They pushed through the door.

Skin waxy in the blue glow of the monitors at his bedside, Obi-Wan was terribly still. There was a bacta patch on his cheek and white gauze peeked out from underneath the hospital gown. Worse, the mournful lament of a kyber crystal came from the crate on the floor where the silver-and-black hilt of Master Jinn’s lightsabre rested among folds of freshly laundered tunics.

Master Che laid a hand on his forehead and Bant rested her own on his shoulder, feeling the feverish warmth under her palm.

This close, it was impossible to miss the emotions radiating unchecked from Obi-Wan and Bant realised that his shields weren’t lowered, they were broken.

“Master Che,” she said,

“I feel it. Plo, shield us.” her mentor ordered and a moment later, Bant felt the force quiet as the kel dor master wrapped heavy shields around the two healers and Obi-Wan. Preferably, they would have had a team of healers to protect the patient’s vulnerable mind but they made do with what they had. And, Master Koon was no slouch when it came to his control of the force.

“Bant, with me,” Master Che said and, closing her eyes, Bant sunk into the force.

Delving into the force like this was difficult to describe to anyone who wasn’t force sensitive but, if asked, Bant would say that it was like diving into the sea.

The cool weight rushed over her skin and closed over her head, the sudden weightlessness and the pressure of the world around her were old friends. Bubbles trailed from her as she dived, the last vestiges of the physical world

The roar of the force in her ears muted the noise of surface reality but the moving parts of the galaxy are louder than ever. Sound travels faster through water

The sea was calm. A great seawall held back the powerful surge of the open ocean. Quieter, but no less present.

Down here the water was brighter and more tangible around her. Bant could feel the water in the spaces between all things, flowing, pushing, pressing through those crevasses and chasms. Cause and effect. A current rolled up from the sea floor, lifting glittering grains of sand up into the water column, and far above Bant’s head a wave crested.

Breathtaking.

From her earliest memories, Bant thought entering the force felt like coming home. She is not here to drift aimlessly on the current, though, and there is red in the water.

Obi-Wan’s presence ached under her hands. Floating like a strange, pale bloom in the endless blue. His lifeforce flickered weakly as water flowed through his lungs and blood flowed out though Bant could feel that what little strength he had was used to try and hold his wounds closed.  

Reaching out to his mind, Bant surveyed the damage. The tear in his mind was undoubtably from a Split and she could see the remains of his bond with Qui-Gon. Bant hadn’t been on the team of healers that dealt with Master Sifo-Dyas’ Split but she had spoken to some of them. She’d listened to their accounts; she’d studied relentlessly and she knew what needed to be done.

Master Che was steady beside her, guiding and holding Obi-Wan’s mind still as Bant cut the mangled mess of the bond free. Unconscious though he was, Obi-Wan’s subconscious mind still tried to twist and pull away from the pain.

I’m sorry Obi-Wan, I’m so, so sorry Bant thought as she brought the clean edges of the wound together and began to close it, stitch by metaphysical stitch. He flinched with every suture.

Healing like this was invasive. A last resort. For Obi-Wan, Bant knew there was no other course of action. The damaged remains of the bond were vulnerable and would never heal properly. Even if it eventually scarred over, it would continue to cause Obi-Wan pain and be a weakness in his shields for the rest of his life. It needed to be removed.

Knowing all this didn’t make it any easier for Bant to do. Stitching skin, suturing the mind. Both involved inflicting a little more injury to bind the wound shut.

Hours have passed by the time Bant and Master Che have closed Obi-Wan’s psychic wounds and painstakingly constructed temporary shields in his mind. Emerging from her trance-like state, Bant blinked her eyes to clear the spots from her vision and stretched her stiff limbs.  

“Well?” Garen said, seated at the foot of the bed on one of the hard, white chairs.

Bant gave him a thin smile. “Alive. We won’t know if there will be any lasting effects at this stage but he’s not at risk of dying right now.”

Relief coloured Garen’s force signature and he closed his eyes for a long moment.

“Padawan Eerin is right,” Master Che said, lekku curling as she too stood and stretched, “Obi-Wan will heal. Now, you two— ah, thank you, Plo,” she broke off to accept a cup of water from the other Master, “Much better. You two need to stay close to him. That much force exposure all at once is comparable to trying to hold up the whole Tranquillity Spire all day. So, Padawan Eerin what is the effect of this and what would you prescribe?”

Never a respite from medical pop quiz around Master Che.

Bant gathered her thoughts before answering, “Severe force exhaustion which in turn means he won’t be able to use the force until his connection heals further. When he wakes he’ll be under orders not to try until he’s been cleared.”

“Good,”

“And,” Bant continued, “since he can’t use that sense and doesn’t have Master Jinn’s bond, that means he’ll feel isolated in the force. Garen and I need to keep him company.”

Master Che gave her a look of approval

“Full marks, Padawan,” then, to the rest of the room, “Excuse me while I confer with Healer Renada.”

She exited to the room in search of the mirialan. No longer needing to hold up shields around Obi-Wan, Master Plo retreated to a corner and settled cross-legged on the floor to meditate.

Garen’s eyes flicked from the kel dor to Bant and back, questioning.

“Don’t mind me, young ones, chatter all you want,” Master Plo said, a moment later taking the deep, even breaths characteristic of meditation.

Garen moved his chair to sit next to Bant at Obi-Wan’s shoulder. He leaned his head on her shoulder and Bant rested her head on top of his.

“Thanks, Bant,”

She nudged his boot, “It’s Obi-Wan,”

That was all the explanation in the world to the both of them. Cradling one of Obi-Wan’s hands between two of her own, his stable pulse under her finger kept time as afternoon turned to night.

“We should message the others,” Bant said, who-knows-how-long later and Garen resurfaced from his light doze against her.

“Quin’s going to be mad,”

Bant hummed in agreement. “Reeft should be back in-temple today or tomorrow Coruscant time—whenever that is in Naboo time. They’ll have each other in hand,” Bant squinted and re-evaluated her words, “Reeft will have Quin in hand.”

“Better give him good warning, then,” Garen unstuck himself from where he’d been plastered to Bant and pulled out his com, beginning to type a message to their group chat. For all that they joked about him, Quinlan did have a good grasp on his emotions—he needed to in order to be an effective shadow—but when he was safe and off duty, he could express himself more freely.

Message sent, Garen settled back against Bant, sighing softly. By virtue of healer training, it was nearly inevitable that Bant would be a Padawan for longer than her crechémates. And, as Jedi rank was often equated to maturity by outsiders, her Knighted peers were often assumed to be older that her. Wiser. But among themselves, it was Bant who took that elder role.

With two of her four pseudo-siblings sleeping safely near her, Bant settled in to watch over them and guard their dreams.

[shadowversejc]

STAR WARS Episode X: The Search for Skywalker (REYLO)

CHAPTER 1

Kylo Ren’s voice: You . . . a scavenger.

Snoke: You have the spirit of a true Jedi!

Han Solo: There’s more to it than that, kid.

Palpatine: Empress Palpatine.

Han Solo: You’ve got a lot to learn.

Palpatine: It is your birthright . . . to rule.

Luke: She saw your spirit, your heart.

Palpatine: It is in your blood. Our blood.

Obi-Wan: Rey!

Luke: Some things are stronger than blood.

Kylo Ren: We are a Dyad in the Force, Rey.

Darth Vader: If you only knew the power of the Dark Side.

Kylo Ren: Two that are one.

Darth Vader: Join me, and together, we will rule the galaxy!

Kylo Ren: Join me.

Qui-Gon Jinn: The Force is behind you, Rey.

Palpatine: A scavenger girl is no match for the power in me!

Kylo Ren: You’re not alone.

Palpatine: I am all the Sith!

Yoda: Alone, never have you been.

Luke: The Force will be with you. Always.

Palpatine: You are nothing!

Kylo Ren: But not to me.

After the onslaught of voices, everything went silent. Until, that is, Ben Solo’s whisper echoed. “Rey.”

Rey awakened with a jump, the face of Ben imprinting itself in her mind. Realizing the sheets were soaked in sweat, she pushed herself up and out of the cot she slept on. Darkness would have reigned in her quaint, mostly empty bedroom had it not been for the dim, golden nightlight in the corner. Feeling weak with sadness, regret, and a tumbleweed of other emotions, Rey collapsed beside her bed.

As a sliver of morning light, courtesy of the Twin Suns, fought through her thick window shades, Rey curled up in a ball on the floor, remembering Ben’s sacrifice for her and her alone. One tear fell to the ground, then another, then another, until they gushed like a river, staining her usual starry white interlocking garments. Her whimpers drenched the room in gloom. As was typical, she could not stop herself. The whimpers increased into wails, which caused Finn, wearing Poe’s signature copper jacket, to storm into her room.

“Rey!” he cried. He turned on a light and looked around, spying her on the floor. Her face hid behind her hands. “Rey, what’s wrong?” She continued her cries and did not answer. “Please, tell me!”

She looked up to him, her red, swollen eyes calling out for help. “I can’t.”

He sighed and looked downward defeatedly. “Nightmares again.” Partially succeeding in catching her breath, she nodded and sniffled. Her hair buns were out of sorts. He bent down and laid a hand on her shoulder. “You need help, Rey. I can’t stand to see you like this. It has been weeks and now it’s getting worse. Like you have an opened wound or something.”

“Because it is,” she replied. He glanced at her, seeking an explanation. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“No, maybe I do,” he responded.

She shook her head. “You don’t.”

“OK, then is there someone who does? Someone who can show you a path out of this?”

She sniffled again and stared into space. “There was.” She paused and glanced at him, wiping dried tears away. “I’m OK. You can trust me. Wait for me outside. We’ll start the next lesson.”

“Are you sure, Master?”

She huffed a laugh. “I told you not to call me that.”

“Sorry, Master,” he joked again. He helped her stand. She smiled lightly and grasped him into a hug.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Don’t mention it,” he replied.

When she pulled away, he flashed a smile and left, looking back once. He closed the door with the Force. Her eyes widened. His connection to the Force was increasing.

Suddenly, a voice echoed so loud in her mind that it seemed real. “Rey Skywalker, come and see.” She jumped and turned around. No one was there.

“Hello?” she whispered.

“Rey . . .” a deep voice murmured. It was not the same as before. She recognized it.

“B-Ben?” she replied. Her heart pounded mercilessly. She gulped. A strange, indecipherable word — almost a scream — silently resonated from seemingly everywhere.

Just then, Poe Dameron barged in. “Hey! Well, uh, there’s free breakfast today for you at Chalmun’s. Finn wants to eat first before training.”

Rey grinned, then glanced back into the empty room. A shroud of mystery descended. “Oh, nice. Thanks.” Poe nodded once as she hooked her lightsaber on her belt and followed him to the world outside.

Stepping out of her yellowish house and onto the matching sands of Tatooine, Rey walked through the bustling streets of Mos Eisley, full of aliens of all kinds. For the last month, she lived a peaceful life here, hoping to disconnect from the closing war with the First Order.

Once she meandered around four-legged, enormous creatures that smelled like dung, she reached Chalmun’s Cantina, where dozens of the populace welcomed her in with clapping and celebration. Finn and Poe made sure to embrace the crowd's love, but Rey simply pasted a smile to mask her bleeding heart. They ate a hearty meal in the same booth where Han Solo shot Greedo, then left. Poe headed to a nearby Resistance base, while Finn and Rey went off to train in the ways of the Force.

~~~

Thirty minutes later, Rey brought Finn to Lars Homestead, the original home of Luke Skywalker. In the last month, she used it as a place to hone her skills thanks to the strong Force energy around the igloo.

“No, try it this way,” Rey said, adjusting Finn’s stance. She placed her lightsaber on the sand. “Now, close your eyes.”

He breathed in and out, wiping the beads of sweat off his forehead. “All right, I’ll give it a shot.” Reaching out with his hand, he could feel a magnetic pull towards the object. “I feel it.”

“That’s the Force!” she yelped in joy, almost trying to imitate Luke when he trained her on Ahch-To. “Now, lift it up. Just a little bit.”

He obeyed. As his arm strained and trembled to channel the Force, Rey’s lightsaber began to lift slightly off the ground. As she watched his focused expression, Rey smiled. It kept rising inch by inch until Finn opened his eyes.      It floated a foot from his nose.

“Yes!” Finn shouted. His arms shot up into the air. As a result, the lightsaber fell into the sand. “Oh, uh, sorry.”

“You did great,” she replied, waving him off. “Now, lift that.” She pointed to their hovering speeder.

His jaw dropped. “What? You’re joking, right?” She didn’t answer. “Right?”

She shook her head and smiled. ��Just do what you just did.”

“What I just did? I lifted a lightsaber! This is . . . totally different!”

“No, it’s only different in your mind. You can do it. I know it. See? Watch me.” She reached out and began to channel the Force. It ran through her fingers, her hair, her clothes like a never-ending rush. As she started to lift the speeder higher into the crisp, vibrant blue sky, the surroundings vanished. Everything went black.

Far off in the void, she noticed a black figure. She squinted, moving closer to it. Yet, the closer she walked, the farther away it seemed. After a minute of this, Rey became frustrated. “What is this place? Who are you?” Suddenly, a familiar surge of Force energy fell upon her. She could feel his presence. Somehow. “Ben? Please, if it’s you, tell me! Show me!”

The figure, although still far away, turned around. It appeared to wear a long-sleeved black shirt and matching pants. Her heart skipped a beat and increased tempo as if in a panic attack. Was this a Force Bond?

“Rey . . .” it said. As suddenly as it happened, the figure vanished, and she was left alone once again.

“Find him, find me,” a new voice whispered. “Come and see.” It reverberated around her, growing louder in amplitude until Finn screamed into her ears.

“Rey!” Finn shouted. He shook her ruthlessly.

When she came back to reality, Rey let out a resounding cry. She was still standing where she was before. She fell to the sand, desperate to catch her breath. Her eyes watered. Her strength abandoned her. She gave in and fell to the ground. Finn caught her. “Finn, stay close to me. Please.”

He bent low and held her neck steady, holding her body in his arms much like how Ben did on Exegol. “I’m here. I won’t leave you.” She nodded and grinned. Her eyelids almost totally covered her brownish-green eyes. “Just tell me what happened.”

“Ben . . . Ben is alive. I need to find him.”

Finn’s eyes widened. Maybe she was going insane now and the PTSD was creating a slew of other mental issues. “Rey, I hate to tell you this, but Ren is gone.”

Rey looked at him, clearly in a daze. “But, but he said . . . no one’s ever really gone . . .” she murmured. “Luke wouldn’t . . . he wouldn’t lie.” And then, she succumbed to the chokehold of slumber.

~~~

Hours later, Rey awoke after noon. She found herself back in bed like before. Thankfully, they were all fresh and clean. She checked her surroundings and looked both ways before pushing the sheets away and sitting on the side of the bed. “Be with me,” she mumbled. “Be with me. Be with me.”

“Rey,” a voice spoke. Frightened, she jumped up and ignited her yellow lightsaber. A blue-tinted Force Ghost wearing tan Jedi robes stood at the other end of the room, in front of a closed window. His chin was narrow and his wavy, whitish hair reaching to the shoulders. He had a short gray beard.

“Who . . . are you?” she asked, gulping. “I’ve never seen you before.”

The figure smiled. “I am here to be with you, and to help you in the quest you are destined for. A quest you and you alone must take. My son guided you once. Now I, Anakin Skywalker, will complete your destiny. Since Palpatine’s demise, you have been split in half, but I know how to make you not only whole, but one once more.”

[idrewbedraggledbreaths]

Sorting Daenerys Targaryen and Jorah Mormont with the sortinghatchats system (GoT verse)

I didn’t want to write this post before I finished my Killing Eve sortings (basically Carolyn and Konstantin), but I’m stuck with them, so I decided to revisit an old fandom instead with a new approach. My take here is possibly an outsider’s take, given that I haven’t interacted with this fandom for a while, save for a few close friends I made in it. Now, bear in mind this sorting system IS NOT the original HP system, it is simply based on it. It sorts you into two houses. Your primary is you WHY, your reason to be who you are, what you believe in. Your secondary is your HOW, the way you act and approach life. Below is a little tl;dr of what each of them are (I’m using the animal terminology that’s being used in many blogs, by the way. If you know the houses, you know what each animal is supposed to represent).

Lion primaries are intuitive and guided by their moral compass, which is very strong (doesn’t mean what they believe in is in fact good or correct) and Lion secondaries are the people who charge straight at something, regardless of whether they will come out of it unscathed or not.

Snake primaries value people. Not any person, their people. They will go to hell and earth for their people to be safe and happy, which can get kind of self destructive. Snake secondaries improvise much like Lion secondaries, but they tend to adapt to situation and shapeshift their way out of problems.

Bird primaries also value right and wrong like Lion primaries, but they build their systems with external information and observation, not from their gut feelings. That means Bird primaries change a lot with time, because their ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ change. Bird secondaries collect. Skills, tools, random knowledge, they delve deep and acquire as much of them as they can, not because things are useful, but because it’s fun.

Finally, Badger primaries are also people-persons, but their communities are much broader than a Snake primary’s. They value people, tradition, cultures and so (but not every Badger sees everyone as people, so there’s that). Badger secondaries are the hardworking types in the sense that they cultivate things, they invest in them and even become them.

You can develop models of each house according to what you find useful or what society has instilled in you, but when push come to shove, the models aren’t the real you. All of these houses can burn, meaning their essence is somehow scared away from them due to trauma, depression, societal pressures, etc. That means a Lion stops trusting their instincts, a Snake no longer feels like they’re able to protect their people or their people are better off without them, a Bird loses faith in their systems and a Badger closes themselves off from their communities and adopts a smaller circle of people. Burnt houses can look a lot like each other. For more info, check out the tags. 

Daenerys

Double Lion, no doubt (for most of the show). Dany knows what’s right, she feels it in her bones. She never tries to rationalise her decisions and she won’t usually budge, even if she is presented with a more rational plan. None of her advisors have really convinced her to do anything, they might have pushed her to do what they wanted, but if she had her way, Daenerys would only ever listen to her own heart. She needs people around her to help her not make impulsive, brash decisions(because of her Lion secondary that I will get into), but she definitely doesn’t need - and doesn’t want - a moral compass, hers works just fine. She was burned as hell in the first episodes of the first season, mostly because of Viserys’ horrible influence, because he had robbed her of a purpose, of her truth. Drogo also stifles her primary and secondary for a while, but he eventually gives her some space to be herself. When she unburns, she unburns fast. ‘Not a Queen, a Khaleesi’ is pretty much Day gong ‘yeah, I can do things my way, I can be my own person with my own values and my own self.’ I think from there on, her quest to liberate 1) take back the Iron Throne 2) liberate Slaver’s Bay and ‘Break the Wheel’ just show how much she is focused on a big quest that is not explained by reason, by her need to form a community or by the influence of someone in her life. She does it because that’s the Right Thing ™ to do, and that’s Lion primary in a nutshell. Another thing that points towards Lion primary to me is how she just won’t take criticism and specially betrayal well (not that anyone does, but Dany is particularly unforgiving most of the time). Lion primaries are particularly shaken when someone they admire doesn’t have the same moral standards as they do, because deep down they like to think they know what’s ‘good’ and ‘true’ (oops my Snake primary who doesn’t really get Lions is showing), so if you don’t follow them and their beliefs, you must be doing something wrong. This is why Dany is so fucking pissed at Jorah when she finds out he betrayed her. She is also devastated true, and she misses him, but her ideals and her ‘truth’ stop her from seeing things from his side ad from forgiving him until he has proven himself worthy. Her reaction to betrayals tie in to the fact that she is a MASSIVE Lion secondary. She headbutts her way into things and her liberal use of Dracarys is proof of that. That’s not to say she doesn’t think or plan or listen to her advisors, but when push comes to shove, homegirl ACTS. Fuck the consequences, I have three dragons, fucking try me. Don’t tell me that climbing on Drogon in the fighting pits and burning the Khals were calculated decisions. Burning the Lannister army wasn’t a calculated decision. She leaves the planning to the people around her. This is something I struggle with regarding Lions, but I have to admit they are much more prone to seizing opportunities that us Bird secondaries (because I do have a Snake model but it is utter shit). 

Now, in seasons 7 and 8, she starts burning again. She gets to Westeros, where people aren’t flocking to her side like they did in Essos. Daenerys lets herself be swayed by Jon’s pretty little speeches that sound very Lion, sound very true to Daenerys, but guess what? She is fucking betrayed by everyone. The people she loved are killed, her children are killed (and the whole ‘I will take what is mine’ thing indicates that she might have a Snaky primary model, after all, she does some things because of what she claimed as hers, be it people or the Throne), she is left absolutely alone, so she burns, she loses faith in herself, starts doubting her actions and her instincts and no one is there to help her unburn safely, so the way she does it is destructive, as it often is with Lion primaries who don’t have guidance in order to regain their trust  their instincts and their selves. To me, the KL incidence is her primary going ‘You fucking left me behind, you fuckers, now you are going to see that I was right and fuck the consequences’. Her primary takes a turn for the worse with the help of an impulsive secondary and she ends doing anything to reach her end goal, similar to Albus Dumbledore and his disregard for human life as long as Voldemort being defeated is concerned. 

Jorah

I have no doubts whatsoever that Jorah is a Snake primary. I know the fandom likes to sort him into Hufflepuff when using the traditional sorting system and while there’s no doubts he is a loyalist to the bone, Jorah’s loyalties are much narrower than a Badger primary’s would be. Before he meets Daenerys, he wants to go home and make up with his family, because they are the ones who matter. Not his reputation, not the North, not Bear Islad itself, the Mormont House. Before that still, he does literally anything to keep Lynesse happy, including doing things that are against the law. This utter devotion to certain people are what makes him a Snake primery to me, a paricularly self destructive one. He starts worrying about the fact that he berayed Daenerys when he ‘adopts’ her into his circles and more so when she goes from being in his outermost circles to being the one person his Snake primary is attached to. Daeerys is everything to Jorah. Does he persoally care about freeing slaves or generally following her morals? No, he does it because it is importat to her and he wants her to see he is worthy of her attention (I, another Snek, still don’t kow if I like Florence + The Machine so damn much because I liked a girl who was into FATM or if my Bird secondary saw her taste for FATM and went ‘OMG ME TOO LETS TALK ABOUT THAT’ and the primary just said ‘huh, that’s legit. We’ll worship her from now on’, so yeah, us Snakes do that. On a side note, I never worked up the courage to ask her out, though). That’s why he goes batshit when she banishes him. He doesn’t burn, which means his primary is so strong it wasn’t fazed by being ast out of her circles; no, he is hell bent on getting back into her good graces and if he has to sacrifice his life fr that, so be it. 

Now, when it comes to secondary, I’d say Jorah’s a Lion secondary too, even though he has a lot of models he picked up with time. Models are useful, models get you out of bad situations, but they’re not who you really are. Jorah wans to be a Bird secondary when he’s around Daenerys, he wants to be the careful planner who looks ahead and ensures she is successful and he also needs a Snake secondary model, because his life demands that he twists and turns himself to fit different situations, but deep inside he is a Lion. His most honest moments are the moments when he just does it, no thoughts head empty. Did he have a solid plans when he kidnapped Tyrion? Fuck no! Did he truly know what he was doing when he decided to fight in the pits? Fuck no! Did he think before he charged at the wights and saved Daenerys in Winterfell? Fuck no! His head was probably just going ‘my Daenerys is in danger let’s punch first and see what happens later’. He’s not like Littlefinger, who plans everything ad is so fast at analysing and changing plans he looks like a Snake. His models make him seem like the opposite of Dany, like a Bird to a Lion, brains while she is brawn, but when she is in danger, Jorah charges. 

What the Jorleesi shippers do is take Dany’s Lion primary that is so focused on a quest and show her that she can also include people in her big aspirations. The gut feeling that is so characteristic of Lions is already inside her, all she would need is to put it into words, which isn’t necessarily the strongest suits of many Lions (that’s a Bird thing). Since most of their dynamics inevitably lies on Jorah’s models regulating Dany’s secondary, there’s not much point in ‘taming her Lion’. Jorah stays the same. The fandom looooves his Snake/Lion, specially since us Snakes tend to be too hard on ourselves. A self-loathing Snake who is also a stupid brave Lion secondary? Yes. They are both stupid brave. Also just stupid. Just talk, you two, for fuck’s sake. Get over your Lion, Daenerys, and talk to him, his Snake won’t allow him to bother you too much.